Quote:
|
Originally Posted by la petite moi
ngdawg, your advice is very good. My only problem is that I don't understand what I'm doing wrong, other than having a mental disorder and loving her son. They think I am telling Kevin what to do, when really he just would rather spend time with me. I'm not just assuming he does, because he's TOLD me how boring and annoying his family is. I think one thing they blame on me is the fact that Kevin wanted to go on a cruise for his 21st birthday instead of Las Vegas. Because I am 20, he said that he wouldn't be able to do much with me, so Las Vegas would be boring. His parents think that I controlled him into thinking that he shouldn't do to LV. Blah. Such drama. I'm the sort of person who is relatively passive, and don't like fighting. And this is just ridiculous.
pigglet, his sister is 25, single (has been for four years?), still goes to university for her doctorate, and calls their mom every night. She pretty much has no social life, and their mom sets her up on dates and shit. Of course, she's insanely picky in men, and none of them are good enough for her. They have to be virgin, religious, conservative, AND attractive. Oh, and they have to be white, pretty much. Yeah.
ratbastid, I would LOVE to show her how much we care and love for each other, but all she sees is me controlling her son. And unfortunately, we will have to wait years (maybe never) for his family to "accept" me and see that Kevin is okay where he is. Thanksgiving/Christmas is in the near future. 
So, what should I say to her when I do see her again? What about Kevin's dad? His sister? Obviously, I cannot just smile and say: Hi, how are you? like I typically do. |
Actually, yes, you can. You're not obligated to fake caring, really. These people are basically saying 'her or us' with the idea that they will 'win'. My own take on this is anyone who gives such ultimatums better be prepared to lose.
Don't try to figure what you're 'doing wrong'; it's their concern, really and you could sprout wings and grant wishes and it would probably be seen as negative.
StanT's take on this is spot-on. You should go because you want to and you're welcome there; otherwise, do what
you want to do. In time (hopefully), your presence will be welcome because of it's rarity and because you'll be more relaxed due to not being as obligated.
I took matters into my own hands with the holidays after I had my kids. Both families wanted us with them, but they're an hour apart. Packing up two babies, with all their things, plus gifts at Christmas, splitting the day with all that driving, made the holidays full of dread, stress and anger(plus I've never been made to feel comfortable at the in-laws-spouse married someone totally unreligious, I'm his second wife, etc). I started having Thanksgiving at my house with both families present and I do Christmas brunch at my house with my family, they go home in the afternoon and we then head over to my in-laws for dinner. Somewhere down the line, these may be things for you two to consider when you get your own place-then it's up to THEM to accept or decline.