Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post

n0nsensical · 11-09-2006, 05:42 PM

I'm in the same boat. That other thread, what do you live for? Can't answer it. I've tried just about everything I've thought I might enjoy and I'm coming to the conclusion that I simply don't like to do anything at all. So I spend my whole life trying to avoid doing anything because I hate to do everything and at least there are a few ways that I can numb my brain to pass the time, like reading pointless websites and masturbation (since actual sex is far out of the question). At least I'm in a better financial situation and don't have to work as a student, but that's not going to last forever and then what? I'm stuck doing things I hate for more than half of the rest of my life. And I'm really supposed to be that enthused about the other less than half that I don't need to spend working but instead literally and figuratively jerking off? What kind of existence is that?

Any real friends of mine and I have moved away from each other, and despite my best efforts I can't seem to make any new ones. I've never even had intimate contact with the opposite sex much less a girlfriend, much less a wife or kids, not that I want kids anyway being that I can't stand them and would feel bad about bringing something into the world that has a good chance of being as miserable as I am. I have no idea what's the big fucking problem. It's not like I'm completely socially inept. It's not like I never go out to social events, in fact I try to go to as many as I can. I try not to be too negative, this post notwithstanding. I ask the casual friends I have if they want to do things that I'd be doing alone anyway. You'd think one person I've met lately would take an interest, maybe go to the bar or club with me, or god forbid, ask me to do something with them out of the blue, but it doesn't happen. Generally the only phone calls I get are from people who want me to do something for them and my parents. I might as well not even exist as far as the entire world minus 7 people and my family is concerned. This quote from one Everything2 node out of the hundreds I've read in the last few days sums it up pretty well: I'd go kill myself, but I can't really be bothered. I don't wish for death as much as I wish for non-existence, I don't really want to die, but I wish that I'd never existed to begin with. If there's one thing I've learned this year it's why people become alcoholics and drug addicts. I never much wanted to be one of those people who can't make it through life on their own, but now my main aspiration is to get drugged up on prescription antidepressants so that just maybe I can deal with things.

11-09-2006, 05:42 PM	#10 (permalink)
n0nsensical Junkie Location: San Francisco	I'm in the same boat. That other thread, what do you live for? Can't answer it. I've tried just about everything I've thought I might enjoy and I'm coming to the conclusion that I simply don't like to do anything at all. So I spend my whole life trying to avoid doing anything because I hate to do everything and at least there are a few ways that I can numb my brain to pass the time, like reading pointless websites and masturbation (since actual sex is far out of the question). At least I'm in a better financial situation and don't have to work as a student, but that's not going to last forever and then what? I'm stuck doing things I hate for more than half of the rest of my life. And I'm really supposed to be that enthused about the other less than half that I don't need to spend working but instead literally and figuratively jerking off? What kind of existence is that? Any real friends of mine and I have moved away from each other, and despite my best efforts I can't seem to make any new ones. I've never even had intimate contact with the opposite sex much less a girlfriend, much less a wife or kids, not that I want kids anyway being that I can't stand them and would feel bad about bringing something into the world that has a good chance of being as miserable as I am. I have no idea what's the big fucking problem. It's not like I'm completely socially inept. It's not like I never go out to social events, in fact I try to go to as many as I can. I try not to be too negative, this post notwithstanding. I ask the casual friends I have if they want to do things that I'd be doing alone anyway. You'd think one person I've met lately would take an interest, maybe go to the bar or club with me, or god forbid, ask me to do something with them out of the blue, but it doesn't happen. Generally the only phone calls I get are from people who want me to do something for them and my parents. I might as well not even exist as far as the entire world minus 7 people and my family is concerned. This quote from one Everything2 node out of the hundreds I've read in the last few days sums it up pretty well: I'd go kill myself, but I can't really be bothered. I don't wish for death as much as I wish for non-existence, I don't really want to die, but I wish that I'd never existed to begin with. If there's one thing I've learned this year it's why people become alcoholics and drug addicts. I never much wanted to be one of those people who can't make it through life on their own, but now my main aspiration is to get drugged up on prescription antidepressants so that just maybe I can deal with things.