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Old 11-01-2006, 11:17 PM   #8 (permalink)
Mrs Master
Tilted
 
I'm glad you raised this Kaliena, Im going through something similar but Im in a relationship. I recently came very close to leaving him simply because I wasn't seeking a life beyond him. He hasn't prevented me from having that life but a lifetime of being in controling relationships before him had me creating my own cage to live in and blaming him (this was a big revelation for me just the other day).

He has his faults, but he also believes strongly that everyone has a right to be a separate individual, it really worries, bores and frustrates him that I have no interests or friends. Ive finally seen the light and know that I dont have to be out of this relationship to have my own life. But I honestly thought that it could be the only answer just days ago. I never once gave myself a real chance to enjoy being single. I was in a heartbreaking situation where I thought I would have to sacrifice a beautiful relationship to find myself. I couldn't have been further from the truth, once I really, really opened up to him I woke up and realised a strong history of sabotaging that was behind me. I also found out how desparate he has been for me to open myself up to him about what I really think and feel instead of just pleasing him. Ive also decided to get some couselling to shake off so many of these old wounds.

I think the course ideas are fabulous. For me that would be the best motivation to get out and meet other people which is a big part of the problem. He isn't sociable so I've isolated my self following in his footsteps, the problem is its detrimental for me but not for him, he's one of those reclusive brainy types that feels no need or desire to be out amongst others, I'm not. I've taken on so many of his personality traits and lost a sense of myself, but saying that I dont think Ive ever had a real sense of myself. He spent 7 years choosing to be single, reclusing and maturing in a way where he has a firm sense of who he is and what makes him tick, I never have, its time to explore. Damn I've talked alot about him havent I, no shocks there.

This has turned into kind of a therapy diary for me, sorry guys, just really hit a cord. Feel free to pm me Kaliena if you'd like a training partner, or just someone to talk to. As a final note just incase you dont pm, if you have been with partners who are also co dependent, from past experience its never lasts, that I believe is when you are better off being single, and embracing it.
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