That, right there, is the problem that your mother is butting up against and the mindset that you're trying to have in this situation. It's hard to start acting like an adult around your parents- think about it. They raised you, told you what to do, fed you, clothed you, and now you're coming into your own and are having to tell them what's what instead of the other way around. It's hard on you, and it's hard on your parents.
Personally, I like JinnKai's advice. He is advocating a position on your part that will, in no uncertian terms, let your mother know how you feel and how you will be dealing with the situation. Think about it this way: your mom is acting like a child. In order to let a child know your expectations for their behavior, and thus the behavior they must exhibit to get what they want, you have to be firm and unwavering in letting them know what to do. Tell your mother what you and LPM will be doing for Thanksgiving. Let her know that you're sorry she feels the way she does. And leave it at that.
Your mom is having issues right now because another woman is "telling" you what to do. She's seeing her son go from under her wings to living his life with another woman, and she doesn't know how to take that. That's a normal reaction to having a kid become an adult, but she's obviously not taking it well. Tell her what's what, and if she decides to be a bitch about it, well then, that's her choice. She's just a person, and can act however she wants. If she acts like a bitch, then you don't want to be around her and you SHOULD NOT feel obligated to put up with her behavior.
LPM, I would also say to you that the reaction that your future mother in law is having is a normal one, and is NOT in any way related to you, nor should you let it affect how you feel about yourself or your relationship with Kevin. You two deserve to be happy together, and if you truly love each other (which, after all you have been through, it's obvious that you do) then don't let ANYTHING get between you. One of two things is going to happen- either Kevin's mom will start acting like a mature adult and feel sheepish for the way she's been acting, or she'll keep acting like a bitch and only end up hurting herself in the long run.
Remember, your mother is no longer your mother. She's just a person who happened to give birth to you. She can be your friend or your acquiantance, and you can still respect her because she's your mom, but you definitely do NOT have to like her nor do you have to put up with her behavior.
It's a hard thing to go through, the transition from being under the influence of your parents to being a complete adult, but it's possible and we ALL have had to do it at one time or another. You can do it, and best of luck. We're all here for you!
