Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post

Prince · 10-27-2006, 02:45 AM

My father worked as a train driver for years. Seemingly simple, but in Finland it was a relatively respected job that required a lot of training, skill and was hard to get into. The hours and the constant flow of people killing themselves on the tracks really got to him (Finland was number one in the world suicide statistics for years, and I guess throwing yourself at a train is a cost-effective way to die). He started drinking more as I was in my teens, and by the time I got my driver's license he was getting to be quite the drunk. He would have me drive him around to bars, sleep in the car while we drank, and then drive him back home. This did not bother me immensely at first, because I didn't have any friends and had nothing better to do really, and he paid handsomely for my time. However at some point he started having me drive him over to women's houses, including his best friend's wife's place (they were separated), driving him back home and then lying to my mother about where he had been. She knew, though. Not something I wanted to do, but growing up under his fist and his explosive fuse, you just didn't ask questions when he wanted you to do something.

Things went downhill from there. He got into booze more heavily, even into drugs for a short while. We did the intervention thing and stuff. Waved his gun around some. I always thought they'd find him dead one morning. I didn't want any of that to happen, but I was trying to finish school and had problems of my own.

Eventually the railroad company (owned by the government) decided to step him up to a management position, as I am sure they picked up on his boozehounding and couldn't have him driving trains, obviously. But the National Railroads is not an institution which just kicks your ass out, they rarely train and hire new people and don't fire you unless absolutely necessary. That didn't slow him down all that much. He apparently stopped doing the drugs thing, but had already wasted about 60 grand from the bank account of the car repair company he owned with his brother, my uncle. My uncle ended up buying his ass out to save the company, which was my uncle's only livelihood and he'd been building the company from day one for 10 years.

I don't know what or how he is doing now. I live in America, he lives back in Finland. I should call him, but I haven't. I haven't spoken to him in about a year and a half. Just don't know how to talk to him, I guess.

When he's sober, he's very witty and funny, and a generous person. I know he loves me and all that...we just never really connected. If he hadn't worked his ass off the way he did when we were kids, and provided us with all the damn stuff, ya know, mopeds, computers, gaming consoles, this and that... Then I guess I wouldn't have much respect left for him. But I feel like he did his best, I mean he became a father when he was 17-18, very young, but he provided for his kids.

I guess now that I think about it, I should give it some more thought. All of it, really...and what happens next. He still has 20-30 years ahead of him, provided he keeps off the booze and doesn't do anything stupid. Am I going to not talk to him for those 20 years?

I hadn't thought about it.

10-27-2006, 02:45 AM	#17 (permalink)
Prince /nɑndəsˈkrɪpt/ Location: LV-426	My father worked as a train driver for years. Seemingly simple, but in Finland it was a relatively respected job that required a lot of training, skill and was hard to get into. The hours and the constant flow of people killing themselves on the tracks really got to him (Finland was number one in the world suicide statistics for years, and I guess throwing yourself at a train is a cost-effective way to die). He started drinking more as I was in my teens, and by the time I got my driver's license he was getting to be quite the drunk. He would have me drive him around to bars, sleep in the car while we drank, and then drive him back home. This did not bother me immensely at first, because I didn't have any friends and had nothing better to do really, and he paid handsomely for my time. However at some point he started having me drive him over to women's houses, including his best friend's wife's place (they were separated), driving him back home and then lying to my mother about where he had been. She knew, though. Not something I wanted to do, but growing up under his fist and his explosive fuse, you just didn't ask questions when he wanted you to do something. Things went downhill from there. He got into booze more heavily, even into drugs for a short while. We did the intervention thing and stuff. Waved his gun around some. I always thought they'd find him dead one morning. I didn't want any of that to happen, but I was trying to finish school and had problems of my own. Eventually the railroad company (owned by the government) decided to step him up to a management position, as I am sure they picked up on his boozehounding and couldn't have him driving trains, obviously. But the National Railroads is not an institution which just kicks your ass out, they rarely train and hire new people and don't fire you unless absolutely necessary. That didn't slow him down all that much. He apparently stopped doing the drugs thing, but had already wasted about 60 grand from the bank account of the car repair company he owned with his brother, my uncle. My uncle ended up buying his ass out to save the company, which was my uncle's only livelihood and he'd been building the company from day one for 10 years. I don't know what or how he is doing now. I live in America, he lives back in Finland. I should call him, but I haven't. I haven't spoken to him in about a year and a half. Just don't know how to talk to him, I guess. When he's sober, he's very witty and funny, and a generous person. I know he loves me and all that...we just never really connected. If he hadn't worked his ass off the way he did when we were kids, and provided us with all the damn stuff, ya know, mopeds, computers, gaming consoles, this and that... Then I guess I wouldn't have much respect left for him. But I feel like he did his best, I mean he became a father when he was 17-18, very young, but he provided for his kids. I guess now that I think about it, I should give it some more thought. All of it, really...and what happens next. He still has 20-30 years ahead of him, provided he keeps off the booze and doesn't do anything stupid. Am I going to not talk to him for those 20 years? I hadn't thought about it. __________________ Who is John Galt?