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Originally Posted by Mantus
Damn Gilda you sure write allot. I would be lucky to compose half as much in the course of one evening…and it wouldn’t be nearly as eloquent.
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I read and write for a living. It comes as naturally to me as a spoken conversation does to most, and is quite a bit easier. Which isn't to say that I'm very good at it, just that it comes easily.
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May I ask if you or your therapist has done any work on your beliefs and values concerning beauty, sexiness, charisma, social intelligence and all the other characteristics one may consider socially relevant and having influence on the context of your personal image?
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I haven't talked with my therapist about my beliefs and values related to beauty and physical appearance. It isn't a concern of mine, and it isn't something that's negatively impacting my life, so I don't bring it up. I think I have a healthy and realistic idea of how I look. I don't see anything wrong with acknowledging the truth. Having an unrealistically positive image of myself would be just as unhealthy as an unrealistically negative one.
I'm not sure how or whether charisma is related to this discussion. Assuming that by social intelligence you mean social skills, not yet. Strange as it may seem, that's a minor issue right now. We're working on the issues that are currently having the biggest negative impact on my life, social anxiety, depression, and reducing PTSD triggers. The social anxiety excercises by necessity overlap with social skills training, but aren't specific to that purpose.
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Originally Posted by SugahBritches
Toast made me go looking at your profile Gilda. Which I'm sure those that are following this thread have also. And you look fine to me!  |
Thank you.
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As I was reading how you say "others" describe you, you did it in more in a physical aspect. Which would be the way most folks would describe your physical traits. For example, if you were party to an incident in which many had to describe what you looked like, I'm sure that most would describe you as small framed and petite. This would also be a view point from total strangers or those that don't know you on a personal level.
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I'm 5' 7". Nobody describes me as petite, but small-framed, thin, skinny, no orchestra or balcony, those are all accurate.
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Also, what is the solution or how you would deal with "personal attacks" made to your inner self vs. your physical traits? What I mean is sometimes we build shields to prevent or protect ourselves from either the comments or those that might snub us without saying a word. And sometimes we create these shields which might have others think are insensitive or even cruel when we might react or an NON reaction towards them.
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I have avoided social situations and social interaction in the past where possible to minimize the impact of negative attention, which has on occasion led to others developing the erroneous belief that I think I'm better than they are, and which has had the effect of reinforcing my social anxiety. This is the main focus of my current therapy.
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Also, when would a person even "know" they needed to seek help? Or are there many that deal with their traumas and can actually walk through it without help?
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Some can, some can't. It depends on the person. How do you know if you need help? Generally, if your problems are severe enough that they're having a significant negative impact on your life, you want to change this, and you haven't been able to or don't know how to do it on your own, it's time to get help. There are specific diagnostic criteria for various emotional disorders, nearly all of which include as one of the criteria that the problem have a significant negative impact on how the person functions. This may not mean a therapist. It could mean talking with a friend or family member, friend, or other aquaintance.
It could mean finding a qualified therapist. There shouldn't be any shame in talking to a mental health professional. If you're sick, nobody thinks there's anything wrong with going to a doctor. We even see doctors for preventive care, to ensure that we remain healthy. Going to a therapist means that you need a little help becoming emotionally or mentally healthy, or in maintaining that health.