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Intense1 · 10-04-2006, 06:44 PM

Hey, I'm sorry you have been placed in such a position. I know the stress and worry over it all must be syphoning off any peace of mind you might have, so I would encourage you to find some way to get a peace replenishment, where you can take your mind off of it for even a little while.

I noted in your OP that your dad didn't want a divorce because all the things he's worked for would be taken by lawyers, so he wants you to fix "the relationship". I can deduce from this that he's not so upset at the possible end of his marriage to your mom, but at the loss of "stuff". And that he equates "relationship" with said stuff. And he's angry at lawyers, but many in this world are. (sorry - had to point that out)

Domestic abuse has been mentioned in this thread, as has escalation, and so I won't rehash what others have advised/written in a much more eloquent way that I could have. But I would strongly suggest that your mom, in order to ensure your sister's safety as well as her own, get a restraining order against him, so that when you tell him "no dad, I can't help you", he will hopefully think twice before tearing over to the house to take it out on her or your sister. I know a piece of paper can't stop a fist, but it will make local law enforcement aware of the possibility and will put your parents' situation on their radar.

Also, I would encourage you to get your mom to change all the locks in the house, so he can't come in while she's gone. She should make sure he has gotten all of his clothes and things first, but after that, he is barred from entry.

Your dad sounds to me like a tea kettle just before it steams and whistles. Your telling him no might act like boiling water to his self-inflated sense of blamelessness, and he's liable to blow. But that's no reason for you to not tell him no - you know it's the right thing to do, to refuse his ridiculously childish request that you "FIX IT! FIX IT NOW!"

Bless you, my friend, and your mom and little sister. May you be given peace and safety in this most trying season in your lives.

10-04-2006, 06:44 PM	#23 (permalink)
Intense1 Crazy Location: Music City burbs	Hey, I'm sorry you have been placed in such a position. I know the stress and worry over it all must be syphoning off any peace of mind you might have, so I would encourage you to find some way to get a peace replenishment, where you can take your mind off of it for even a little while. I noted in your OP that your dad didn't want a divorce because all the things he's worked for would be taken by lawyers, so he wants you to fix "the relationship". I can deduce from this that he's not so upset at the possible end of his marriage to your mom, but at the loss of "stuff". And that he equates "relationship" with said stuff. And he's angry at lawyers, but many in this world are. (sorry - had to point that out) Domestic abuse has been mentioned in this thread, as has escalation, and so I won't rehash what others have advised/written in a much more eloquent way that I could have. But I would strongly suggest that your mom, in order to ensure your sister's safety as well as her own, get a restraining order against him, so that when you tell him "no dad, I can't help you", he will hopefully think twice before tearing over to the house to take it out on her or your sister. I know a piece of paper can't stop a fist, but it will make local law enforcement aware of the possibility and will put your parents' situation on their radar. Also, I would encourage you to get your mom to change all the locks in the house, so he can't come in while she's gone. She should make sure he has gotten all of his clothes and things first, but after that, he is barred from entry. Your dad sounds to me like a tea kettle just before it steams and whistles. Your telling him no might act like boiling water to his self-inflated sense of blamelessness, and he's liable to blow. But that's no reason for you to not tell him no - you know it's the right thing to do, to refuse his ridiculously childish request that you "FIX IT! FIX IT NOW!" Bless you, my friend, and your mom and little sister. May you be given peace and safety in this most trying season in your lives. __________________ (none yet, still thinkin')