Kensei

Ok, well first of all, your father is quite an evil man by the definition of the word, and selfish as well. You must wke up and see this. His concerns are purely for himself and his own comfort, and he seems to care little if anything about you when things are hard.

It is very easy to be compromising and giving when there is plenty to go around. It is far different when there is little, this is when you find out the true mettle of people.

Also, if he has hit you, or your mom, he is violent, thats the definition of the word, you really must stop wearing blinders. Your fatrher is at the moment and evil, violent, manipulative man, and misery loves company.

It is not your job to reconcile your parents difference, and him sayng that paying for you to go to school is the cause of their problems is absurd. They did not like each other before you went to school, and they did not like each other after. This is just a convenient excuse to get you to do what he wants.

I grew up in an abusive household, and there are many forms of abuse, physical being quite honestly the easiest to deal with.

As for your mom, she is doing the right thing. hell, if I was married to a woman and she hit me, bye bye. Doe's not matter that I am a man, this would mean she doe's not reaspect me for one, and for another, doesn't take a lot of strength to lose it and stab you, or pull a trigger. Killing is an equal oppurtunity business, and not meaning to do it does not make you any less dead.

Botom line, any violence, against your mom, or you, is a big no no, and it means your dad needs a lot of therapy and counseling, a lot. He is basically ill my dear, but that is not your problem. you are your own person, with your own life to lead. You can not bring it to a halt.

He is having problms with your tuition, too bad, thats his job. You have kids, it's your job to help prepare them for the word, duh. If he doe's not like it, he should not have had them, You may be over 18, but that doe's not matter, being a parent is a lifetime gig, no matter what the law may say about it.

What you really need to do is tell him no, and stop communicating with him. Abusers are at heart major control freaks, who need to feel in charge. They best do that by beating you down, and if you won't go down, they beat all the harder, until you either give in, or are dead. I was lucky to survive my childhood. Oh, my dad did not beat my mom, just me, beat her in other ways though. They divorced, and he blamed me as well, and everything else, except himself of course. Has he blamed himself yet that you have heard, I bet not.

It's his marriage, not yours, do you clean up other peoples messes, or just your own? I clean up my own, you make it, you clean it up. And, if you insist on moving your mes into my space, I'll kick your butt out, and your mess, and still leave it for you to clean up. Can't kick it or you out, then I move somewhere where it can't effect me, or I just refuse to acknowledge it, which is very hard.

Hope this has helped, but it sounds likeou want to remain blind to your dads worst faults, i.e.saying he is not violent, which makes me laugh quite a bit, being a prime example. he's got to go my dear, maybe not for good, but certainly for the time being. Breaking contact with a parent ain't easy, but if someone is a destructive influence on your life, they have to go, friend or father, and it's just that simple. Hope this helps.

Ok, well first of all, your father is quite an evil man by the definition of the word, and selfish as well. You must wke up and see this. His concerns are purely for himself and his own comfort, and he seems to care little if anything about you when things are hard.

It is very easy to be compromising and giving when there is plenty to go around. It is far different when there is little, this is when you find out the true mettle of people.

Also, if he has hit you, or your mom, he is violent, thats the definition of the word, you really must stop wearing blinders. Your fatrher is at the moment and evil, violent, manipulative man, and misery loves company.

It is not your job to reconcile your parents difference, and him sayng that paying for you to go to school is the cause of their problems is absurd. They did not like each other before you went to school, and they did not like each other after. This is just a convenient excuse to get you to do what he wants.

I grew up in an abusive household, and there are many forms of abuse, physical being quite honestly the easiest to deal with.

As for your mom, she is doing the right thing. Hell, if I was married to a woman and she hit me, bye bye. Doe's not matter that I am a man, this would mean she doe's not reaspect me for one, and for another, doesn't take a lot of strength to lose it and stab you, or pull a trigger. Killing is an equal oppurtunity business, and not meaning to do it does not make you any less dead.

Botom line, any violence, against your mom, or you, is a big no no, and it means your dad needs a lot of therapy and counseling, a lot. He is basically ill my dear, but that is not your problem. you are your own person, with your own life to lead. You can not bring it to a halt.

He is having problms with your tuition, too bad, thats his job. You have kids, it's your job to help prepare them for the word, duh. If he doe's not like it, he should not have had them, You may be over 18, but that doe's not matter, being a parent is a lifetime gig, no matter what the law may say about it.

What you really need to do is tell him no, and stop communicating with him. Abusers are at heart major control freaks, who need to feel in charge. They best do that by beating you down, and if you won't go down, they beat all the harder, until you either give in, or are dead. I was lucky to survive my childhood. Oh, my dad did not beat my mom, just me, beat her in other ways though. They divorced, and he blamed me as well, and everything else, except himself of course. Has he blamed himself yet that you have heard, I bet not.

It's his marriage, not yours, do you clean up other peoples messes, or just your own? I clean up my own, you make it, you clean it up. And, if you insist on moving your mes into my space, I'll kick your butt out, and your mess, and still leave it for you to clean up. Can't kick it or you out, then I move somewhere where it can't effect me, or I just refuse to acknowledge it, which is very hard.

Hope this has helped, but it sounds like you want to remain blind to your dads worst faults, i.e.saying he is not violent, which makes me laugh quite a bit, being a prime example. he's got to go my dear, maybe not for good, but certainly for the time being. Breaking contact with a parent ain't easy, but if someone is a destructive influence on your life, they have to go, friend or father, and it's just that simple. Some one said that this kind of behavior form a man is not right, clearly said by a woman. Sorry, but this kind of behavior is not right from anyone, man or woman, and a woman hitting a man is not better, and is just as bad, believe me. Don't kid yourself, abuse of men by womoen happens just as much, we just don't report is because of embarrassment. I have not had to suffer thruogh it since childhood, and would never put up with it as an adult, but it happens just as often or near to, trust me on that.

Get on with your life, it's that simple. If he stops paying your tuition, then you have to find other ways. I don't think he will though, he want's it to be "Your decision" else he would have stopped paying for it already. People like this fellow, beyond being control freaks and abusers, have some major guilt issues, he won't cut you off like that I don't think, unless he can justify it. If he has to he will, but otherwise, he would not be trying to manipulate you into doing it. Refuse, don't talk to him, or explain your feelings, and insights you hve gained by coming here, and tell him how you feel. Hell, write it all down before hand, a script over the phone comes in awful handy, don't forget what you want to say from nerves. If he persists in being a bastard, which is likely, break of contact. If out of spite he stops paying for your college, it is to fel more in control. Then, well, you end up attending a state university that is far cheaper, life could be worse. beter that then having this person in your life blaming you and controling you for however many more years you haveto be beholden to them.

Hope this has helped. Use the advice here, and confront your father with what he is, and the logic of your arguements. if that is not enough, then you know you have trried, and you know that he is beyond reason. If, after that, you can not break of ties, and choose to involve yourself and try to solve their problems, then you deserve what you get, and I'll have no sympathy for you, because it then willbe your choice. Your mothers making the right choice getting out of there, mayhaps you should do the same. Take care.