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Thank you Masters. I think I no doubt have issues to work out for my own self image and all that shit but in the end, the idea of just jumping into bed with someone makes little sense to me. For me, I need to be completely comfortable to be in that sort of relationship with someone, I haven't felt that way about anyone in a good many years. This was very much unexpected for me to have someone actually come forth about how they felt about this, it was a first for me, I contemplated it and I decided against it... selfish maybe to not even want to give it a try.
rant time
That being said, my goals in life demand a lot of personal sacrifice and I have been presuing my dreams for 8 years now with vigor and making a lot of sacrifices along the way and probably, I would say oversacrificing (is that a word?) in many cases. Certainly in the area of relationships since I have basically been in social environments that almost totaly consisted of men, and or any of the women that were in these social groups were shallow, self indulgent and highly competed for as if it was some sort of twisted game. Although I have learned I am not completely undesireable by some one out there... the timing is not right in every way.
I've never chased women, I don't have much of a desire to go and do it still. Maybe when I was in highschool I did, but highschool was 10 years ago for me. My interests and passion to create music over rides just about eveything that occupies my activities in one way or the other... I almost only associate myself with musicians of a high caliber, my day revolves around stints of practice or being in class (music classes) etc. Perhaps, as I look at it right now it is 'too much' of that for me and maybe I do need to go out and experience other things that life has to offer. If someone told me that to my face I would agree. But I doubt I would do anything about it because when I get home my guitar would be sitting on it's standing asking me to work on Giant Steps in 7 (for jazz geeks).
However, you are right. Not all men are sex crazed animals looking for the next knotch in the belt. I was raised in a Catholic environment, sex was for Husband and Wife. Now, I don't believe that anymore. But I know my parents were virgins when they got married and my Brother's only lover is his wife and he also is an extraordinarily focused and gifted musician who gave up a lot in his life as well however now is catching up so to speak. I watch a lot of men pawn over women and obsess about it (namely a lot of friends of mine) and watch them hurt themselves in the process of all of it. Sure, no pain no gain, all those cliche's are no doubt accurate. I had a friend of mine try and spur me to 'get out there into the scene' one time, and I prompty told him I was uninterested to which his response was "are you gay or something?" which I thought about not replying to however I didn't exactly want to send a mixed message, I just stated that I had more important things to do then try and pick up drunk women at bars on the weekend.
I often thought that perhaps because Musicians often have strange personality quirks about them that if I explained it to someone they wouldn't understand. Thankfully, most of my closest friends are artists in some way or at least very passionate about what they do and so they do not question my lack of desire to go and find a Woman or just go out and get laid. However, it seems every time I make new friends wonder why I don't want to go out to bars and try and "score chicks" with them. Because it is completely unappealing to me to do so, and therefore would be %100 unsuccessful every time. It's not me, never will be.
However, for those out there who are into that sort of thing, I say go for it and have fun doing it. I don't condemn anyone for whatever sexual adventures they have.
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"A real leader faces the music, even if he doesn't like the tune." - unknown quote
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