Dungeon_Shade

Do you ever feel like a ticking timebomb? I know I do, most of the time, and I need some advice.

I'm loosing faith in humanity. I just learned that someone at my college commited suicide today, and it's really depressing me. The thing that bugs me about it is that it probably could have been prevented. This kid was probably picked on on a daily basis, kept it all inside, like you are "supposed to", and couldn't take it anymore. Had people stopped being jackasses, this person would more than likely still be alive.

I try to be nice. I'm nice to the point that women don't feel attracted to me, and nice to the point that I am constantly picked on. I'm a sophomore in college, and I keep trying to convince myself that people will get better. That my life will turn around, that my niceness will heap rewards.

I've thought that for twenty years now, and I haven't gotten a damn thing out of it. I'm not at the point that I want to commit suicide, but I definitely could, if I'm everyone's doormat, like I always have been.

The suicide made me realize that I need to change my personality. I don't want to look at my life ten years from now, realize that I will never change, and off myself out of severe depression.

I am nice, not to make friends, but because I know that many people are assholes. I want to brighten people's lives, and let them know that someone cares. But the more I do this, the more I lose faith. I opened a door for a girl, and she yelled at me for it, telling me I was demeaning me.

I waved to a random male, and he threatened to kick my ass.

People tell me I'm skinny each day, and I turn the other cheek. They keep doing it. I am stolen from, and taken advantage of by most everyone I know, and I have recently been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder.

I need something to re-affirm my faith in humanity, god, and myself. I'm sick of this empty feeling.

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"If you can hear this whispering you are dying."- Pink Floyd