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I know what its like to have low self esteem and question every little good thing that happens to you. I was a victim of abuse as a child. Because of this I have found myself mistrusting my bf of almost 4 years then realizing I have no need to. I think that over time things happen that erode our ability to trust that good things can happen to us and that we do deserve them. My suggestion is try soem therapy of anykind, I went and it did help. Also see if your guy would be willing to attend some couples counseling with you and tell him its for the good of the relationship and that it will help you deal with the things that have happened to you in your past aka the cheating. We are worth it and we deserve good things, sometimes I think the hardest person to convince of this is ourselves.
Good luck
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Frivolity, at the edge of a Moral Swamp, hears Hymn-Singing in the Distance and dons the Galoshes of Remorse. ~Edward Gorey
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