Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post

sillypuddy · 09-04-2006, 06:23 PM

Ok, I'll try not to write an essay here, I've mainly lurked here and have gotten some good stories, experience and advice from other posts, this is the first time that I need some advice/opinion that is more specific about my situation:

I'm early 30s, been going out with this girl for about 4 years, she's late 20s, about 2 years ago based on my feelings, I proposed to her, she said yes... unfortuately, as most guys are, I started thinking more with my head and for the past 2 years, have been hesitating about the marriage thing. The main Q for me was whether we were compatible, and how I knew that she was the one... in that period, my hesitation caused her grief and she in turn started to question our relationship... I'd like to say that we never did have any major fights or major incompatibilities...

A couple of months ago, I finally realized that I was just being stupid and have 100% decided that this is the girl that I want to spend the rest of my life with... well ironically, recently, all the hesitation was too much for her, and she said that she wanted to call everything off. I told her how I felt, and she told me that it was too late. She tells me that she still loves me, but the hesitation put up this "guard" for her, she had decided to herself to set a deadline for end of this summer, and lo and behold she still wasn't able to get over her hesitation by this time... so while it's not that she doesn't want to get married, her lack of a decision is forcing her to decide (does that make sense??)

The way we left it, since there wasn't any fight or anything, we're on amiable terms, we still call each other... at this point, I think it's clear that she doesn't want to get married, but she even said that maybe in the future, it could happen...

Aside from me deciding to hold out and see how things go, anything advice here ? Should I just move on ? She told her sisters about her decision, but has said that she wanted to "cool" down a bit before telling her parents...

I'm really serious about this girl, and if there was a irreconcilable difference or incompatibility, I'd be the first one to call it off, but in this situation, I'm not quite sure how to approach it... I've made it clear how I feel, but I realize that it's not something that I can easily change how she feels, and I don't want to force anything onto her, but I also don't want to give up either since I think she's moving towards giving up...

Damn... this kind of turned into an essay.. any advice will be greatly appreciated!

09-04-2006, 06:23 PM	#1 (permalink)
sillypuddy Crazy Location: TO/Canada	Engagement OFF! Ok, I'll try not to write an essay here, I've mainly lurked here and have gotten some good stories, experience and advice from other posts, this is the first time that I need some advice/opinion that is more specific about my situation: I'm early 30s, been going out with this girl for about 4 years, she's late 20s, about 2 years ago based on my feelings, I proposed to her, she said yes... unfortuately, as most guys are, I started thinking more with my head and for the past 2 years, have been hesitating about the marriage thing. The main Q for me was whether we were compatible, and how I knew that she was the one... in that period, my hesitation caused her grief and she in turn started to question our relationship... I'd like to say that we never did have any major fights or major incompatibilities... A couple of months ago, I finally realized that I was just being stupid and have 100% decided that this is the girl that I want to spend the rest of my life with... well ironically, recently, all the hesitation was too much for her, and she said that she wanted to call everything off. I told her how I felt, and she told me that it was too late. She tells me that she still loves me, but the hesitation put up this "guard" for her, she had decided to herself to set a deadline for end of this summer, and lo and behold she still wasn't able to get over her hesitation by this time... so while it's not that she doesn't want to get married, her lack of a decision is forcing her to decide (does that make sense??) The way we left it, since there wasn't any fight or anything, we're on amiable terms, we still call each other... at this point, I think it's clear that she doesn't want to get married, but she even said that maybe in the future, it could happen... Aside from me deciding to hold out and see how things go, anything advice here ? Should I just move on ? She told her sisters about her decision, but has said that she wanted to "cool" down a bit before telling her parents... I'm really serious about this girl, and if there was a irreconcilable difference or incompatibility, I'd be the first one to call it off, but in this situation, I'm not quite sure how to approach it... I've made it clear how I feel, but I realize that it's not something that I can easily change how she feels, and I don't want to force anything onto her, but I also don't want to give up either since I think she's moving towards giving up... Damn... this kind of turned into an essay.. any advice will be greatly appreciated!