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Let's say a person were brought up in a very conservative religious home. One day, he discovered masturbation. He enjoyed it, but according to the values he's been brought up with, it's an evil sin. (Isn't this what Catholics believe) Now, you and I probably both believe that masturbation is not a sin, and that he can do it without feeling any guilt. Will he automatically feel no guilt? Probably not. Will he feel guilt forever? Maybe. Depends on the person. But, if he were to come to the conclusion that God doesn't exist, he will probably realize that he shouldn't feel guilty about masturbation.
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An even simpler realization for our masturbating Catholic is to come to the realization that he makes decisions for himself. He can decide whether he feels the same way catholics do about God and masturbation or not. Should he disagree, he is the only moral "power" to which he should feel guilty to. If he truly decides that his own moral relativism allows him to masturbate and still worship Jesus, then no guilt would follow. Moral independence means understanding that it is only your OWN perception of what is right and wrong that makes you feel guilty. Or to engage in activities that others find morally devoid.
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I had very black & white beliefs on cheating. I believed that the 3rd party was just as responsible. Then I became the 3rd party.
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This is where the "walk a mile in their shoe" analogy is ever-so-applicable. Many people change their belief about the relativistic morality of something once they've done it themselves. Personally, I held the belief that drinking alcohol was a waste and that anyone who did so was a horrible alcoholic. Then I turned 18. Things change when you realize that there CAN be reasons for activities that you did not previously percieve. I'm not saying that cheating is a good thing, but its certainly natural for your perception of cheaters to change once you've become one.
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Now, would I lose respect for someone that I knew for sure went around trying to wreck relationships? Yes. Would I lose respect for someone who, under extenuating circumstances, did something similar to what I did?
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Frankly, I think you need to dispose of the idea that you had extenuating circumstances. Everyone who is a party to cheating thinks that they are somehow justified. Their spouse didn't "treat them right," etc, etc. At this point I don't think you've got room to say you've got "extenuating circumstances."
I'm not attempting to be harsh, but you did partake in something that you felt at the time was wrong to do. I think you can use this as a learning experience - either you decide that it's morally acceptable to you, or you decide that it's morally unacceptable and avoid doing it in the future - you've got a perfect test case of how it will make you feel already under your belt. It's further motivation to not do it in the future, should you decide it's morally unpermissable.
If I were you, I'd go with "morally permissable" but avoid-if-possible. You now know how it makes you feel, so you'll avoid it quite durably.
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I have before, but I probably wouldn't now. Does this seem like a cop-out/excuse so that I don't have to feel bad about what I did? Sure as hell would look like to it to anyone else. Do I feel that it is just my belief system changing? Yes.
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Truly, only your opinion of what is occuring matters. No one can know why you're doing something other than yourself. I've recently had "belief system changes" that could easily appear to be excuses. Alas, I know they are not. It's up to you to decide.