Quote:
|
Originally Posted by JinnKai
1. How much blame or responsibility does the 3rd party share? Assume 3rd party was single, but knew that the person they hooked up with was in a relationship.
Absolutely none. This is something unfortunately not many people understand. Person A and Person B were the only people with "agreements" to be exclusive. If one of them strays, it not is not because of the wiles of the newcomer or any convincing they did. It rests absolutely on the person who has commited to NOT cheat. If B has decided to fuck her best friend, it is B's fault for breaking the agreement. Unless Third Party had an agreement with BOTH A and B, he has no moral obligation. He is not party to the agreement. If my girlfriend were to hypothetically go and ravage some stranger, I have no right to be mad at the stranger. He had no agreement with HER OR ME to avoid having sex with her. The only one who had that agreement is my girlfriend, and she would be on the recieving end of the ire.
|
Ok, I totally agreee with everything you're saying here. I've thought about things for a while, and reached very similar thoughts. However, I still feel like I did an accomplice to something bad. Your argument is completely logical, and all I can say is I'm probably being irrational about it, but I can't seem to change how I feel right now.
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by JinnKai
2, 3, and 4 are all irrelevant. Although, it sounds entirely like you're trying to defend an action you yourself feel is wrong. If YOU think what you did is wrong, making excuses for us to agree with won't help you a darned bit.
Put simply (A+B) + C. If at any time it becomes A + (B+C) or B + (A+C) it is the intial parenthesis occupants who are at fault, not the additional operand.
Frankly, I don't think people trust their SOs enough. Why in the world would you be mad at someone if he had sex with your girlfriend? She is the one you trust to not break the relationship. If you're really so insecure that your girlfriend can be "stolen" by another guy, then you're not worth much.
Then again, we know where being frank gets me.
|
Let's say a person were brought up in a very conservative religious home. One day, he discovered masturbation. He enjoyed it, but according to the values he's been brought up with, it's an evil sin. (Isn't this what Catholics believe) Now, you and I probably both believe that masturbation is not a sin, and that he can do it without feeling any guilt. Will he automatically feel no guilt? Probably not. Will he feel guilt forever? Maybe. Depends on the person. But, if he were to come to the conclusion that God doesn't exist, he will probably realize that he shouldn't feel guilty about masturbation.
Hope that analogy made sense. I had very black & white beliefs on cheating. I believed that the 3rd party was just as responsible. Then I became the 3rd party. Now, would I lose respect for someone that I knew for sure went around trying to wreck relationships? Yes. Would I lose respect for someone who, under extenuating circumstances, did something similar to what I did? I have before, but I probably wouldn't now. Does this seem like a cop-out/excuse so that I don't have to feel bad about what I did? Sure as hell would look like to it to anyone else. Do I feel that it is just my belief system changing? Yes.
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Average_Joe
This scenario intrigues me a little bit. I was in a similar situation a while back, and it got me thinking. How much time is acceptable between A + B's breakup for 3rd party to get try with B? I know there are some unofficial "man laws" out there that forbid a guy from dating his buddy's ex, but if A has moved on, shouldn't B be fair game? If you really are good friends with A, then perhaps you can be open about your attraction and desire to be with B, and clear the way, but if A says" no way", do you have to abide by that?
|
I don't think A can say no way for good. Especially if you think there's a shot for something serious. Waiting a little while will probably give both parties a chance to get over each other, and leave things open for a real relationship. Obviously depends on how open and understanding Person A is. Letting Person A know would be good so he doesn't find out through gossip.
Disclaimer: Highly subjective answers.