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NoSoup · 08-09-2006, 03:53 PM

Forgive me for being blunt, but I don't really think that you're dealing with shades of gray here - you're pretty much an asshole, twice over.

Situation A:
1. How much blame or responsibility does the 3rd party share? Assume 3rd party was single, but knew that the person they hooked up with was in a relationship.

The 3rd Party shares equal amounts of responsibility from the outside observer, probably less than person B here if I were looking at it from person A's point of view. If you knew she was with someone, why did you do it?

2. Are there mitigating circumstances for the people involved in the cheating? What if 3rd party and B had been in a relationship before? What if there had been a past history of hooking up between 3rd party and B?

Not really - it's still cheating. It doesn't really matter what the past history is or whether or not there had been a relationship.

3. What if A and B were on the verge of breaking up anyways?

That's their decision to make - not yours. Keep it in your pants until they say it's finished, don't make the decision for them.

4. Is there a limit in terms of physical activity you might be willing to forgive if there were extenuating circumstances or you’re in a forgiving mood? For example, 1 light kiss might be extremely forgivable, several nights of sex would invite total wrath.

Again, perhaps I'm not really all that forgiving when it comes to cheating, but cheating is cheating is cheating. Certainly, there are varying degrees, and my fiance and I would likely be able to work through a kiss, but pretty much anything after that is a done deal.

Situation B
5. Should 3rd party or B have told A what went down? How soon should they have told A? Should they have waited to see if something serious developed before telling A?

Uh, yeah. Especially if B and 3rd Party claim to be good friends/girlfriend with A. How soon? Well, it should never have happened to begin with, but if it did, I'd suggest telling him as soon as possible so he doesn't waste any more time on person B or 3rd Party. No - they've already ruined it for A and B, there isn't any sense it seeing what becomes of B and 3rd Party to see whether or not A should find out his girlfriend is a cheater and his good friend stabbed him in the back

6. What if it became apparent that B did something with 3rd Party, but only to get back at A as a revenge ploy? Would it be more acceptable if A had cheated on B in the first place?

B can then be considered a wack job. Cheating is never an acceptable revenge ploy - no matter what A had done to begin with. Had A cheated on B initially, they either need to move past it and A needs to forgive (so no revenge is necessary) or if they can't, they need to break it off and grow up.

7. Let’s say B then had a fight with A, and told A in a fit of rage that B had hooked up with 3rd Party? Should 3rd Party talk to A? What if 3rd Party and A are far away from each other, but had made vague plans to visit each other in the not too far away future?

It depends on the relationship between 3rd Party and A. A probably deserves an explanation, and it would perhaps help salvage the relationship between the two - although, in my opinion, there is nothing to be salvaged.

8. What if B apologizes to 3rd party for telling A? Should 3rd party continue to hang out with B? What if alcohol is involved, which was a primary reason for their previous last hookup?

In my opinion B and 3rd party deserve each other. Have at it - as long as B is no longer with A. If they are together still, you shouldn't even be asking this question.

08-09-2006, 03:53 PM	#2 (permalink)
NoSoup Non-Rookie Location: Green Bay, WI	Forgive me for being blunt, but I don't really think that you're dealing with shades of gray here - you're pretty much an asshole, twice over. Situation A: 1. How much blame or responsibility does the 3rd party share? Assume 3rd party was single, but knew that the person they hooked up with was in a relationship. The 3rd Party shares equal amounts of responsibility from the outside observer, probably less than person B here if I were looking at it from person A's point of view. If you knew she was with someone, why did you do it? 2. Are there mitigating circumstances for the people involved in the cheating? What if 3rd party and B had been in a relationship before? What if there had been a past history of hooking up between 3rd party and B? Not really - it's still cheating. It doesn't really matter what the past history is or whether or not there had been a relationship. 3. What if A and B were on the verge of breaking up anyways? That's their decision to make - not yours. Keep it in your pants until they say it's finished, don't make the decision for them. 4. Is there a limit in terms of physical activity you might be willing to forgive if there were extenuating circumstances or you’re in a forgiving mood? For example, 1 light kiss might be extremely forgivable, several nights of sex would invite total wrath. Again, perhaps I'm not really all that forgiving when it comes to cheating, but cheating is cheating is cheating. Certainly, there are varying degrees, and my fiance and I would likely be able to work through a kiss, but pretty much anything after that is a done deal. Situation B 5. Should 3rd party or B have told A what went down? How soon should they have told A? Should they have waited to see if something serious developed before telling A? Uh, yeah. Especially if B and 3rd Party claim to be good friends/girlfriend with A. How soon? Well, it should never have happened to begin with, but if it did, I'd suggest telling him as soon as possible so he doesn't waste any more time on person B or 3rd Party. No - they've already ruined it for A and B, there isn't any sense it seeing what becomes of B and 3rd Party to see whether or not A should find out his girlfriend is a cheater and his good friend stabbed him in the back 6. What if it became apparent that B did something with 3rd Party, but only to get back at A as a revenge ploy? Would it be more acceptable if A had cheated on B in the first place? B can then be considered a wack job. Cheating is never an acceptable revenge ploy - no matter what A had done to begin with. Had A cheated on B initially, they either need to move past it and A needs to forgive (so no revenge is necessary) or if they can't, they need to break it off and grow up. 7. Let’s say B then had a fight with A, and told A in a fit of rage that B had hooked up with 3rd Party? Should 3rd Party talk to A? What if 3rd Party and A are far away from each other, but had made vague plans to visit each other in the not too far away future? It depends on the relationship between 3rd Party and A. A probably deserves an explanation, and it would perhaps help salvage the relationship between the two - although, in my opinion, there is nothing to be salvaged. 8. What if B apologizes to 3rd party for telling A? Should 3rd party continue to hang out with B? What if alcohol is involved, which was a primary reason for their previous last hookup? In my opinion B and 3rd party deserve each other. Have at it - as long as B is no longer with A. If they are together still, you shouldn't even be asking this question. __________________ I have an aura of reliability and good judgement. Just in case you were wondering...