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I guess when I said I liked her I should have said it Platonically (sp). While no, I don't find her unattractive (great smile and eyes) It isn't for me I guess.
I do have when it comes to the opposite sex low self esteme because it's something I have gone without in lue of things I think are more important. of course, who knows what the future holds in that case. I suppose that I have been so focused on trying to make a career happen in such a way that when something unforseen comes into the mix I'm not sure how to handle the unexpected and this was unexpected. "Women aren't interested in me like me" is something I convinced myself of and still pretty much believe it. Obviously I was wrong.
The thing that really sticks out to me is that her Ex is coming as well. Apparently they broke up when he cheated on her and I certainly feel a tension in her voice when she mentions him. He as well as I am guitarists in the same program and degree so I have a feeling we will have to interact with each other and something tells me that I might be 'used' to get back at him or something to that effect. I don't know him, never met him yet she seems to be trying to already paint a picture of him that i will naturally dislike him because she probably either wants me to hate him and like her or just wants him to feel bad or something... i don'/t know
Anyway, I'm not trying to overthink it at least. I know what I want for myself and when i close my eyes I don't see her as that part of the situation. But I'm probably being to cut and dry about the whole thing and not leaving room for shifting. But that's gotten me this far and I'm generally a pretty happy person.
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"A real leader faces the music, even if he doesn't like the tune." - unknown quote
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