Yesterday afternoon, I went over to my bf's house, to have one of those talks--a civilized, long talk about our compatibility, future, differences ect. Everything was going welll, everything was under control until I suggested that we take a break for a few weeks so that I can clear my head and figure out where this relationship is going. I've been thinking about this for weeks, spoken to him about it, and I figured the only way I can help myself and consequently my relationship, is to take a step back and think logically and clearly about it.
Now I didn't go over there with the intention of breaking up. I have many questions and doubts, and through continuous conversations, I haven't been able to really understand where my relationship with my bf is going.
So last night, after hours of talking things out, I suggest that we take some time apart--and he freaked out on me. I mean really freak out. He immediately poured himself a glass of whisky, lit a cigarette, and started acting extremely frustrated--which I understand..We've been together for almost a year, and we're very very close.I love him very very much, I would do anything for this guy--it's just that I feel that maybe we're not suited for eachother for different reasons.
Now I tried to keep things as cool as possible and make him understand and know that I love him and that honestly I need some space for the GOOD of the relationship, and he takes me by the hand to show me something, to prove to me how much he loves me. I thought he was going to read me a poem he had written about us in teh past that he never showed me..But instead he went to teh kitchen and pulled out a huge knife and pointed it to his chest, and told me that what I told him was like killing him, and he was telling me to go ahead and "do it" I FREAKED OUT. I've never been so shocked in my life. I assured him as calmly as I could that I love him and that I would never do anything like that and that he should never either. I slowly took the knife from him and placed it on the counter behind me.
He was telling me all night that he can;t bear the thought of continuing his life without me and he kept making references that he's going to "end it", "end his pain", that maybe we'll meet again in teh afterlife and things like that. I was really freaking out. I would have never expected him to react like this. I know he can sometimes be extreme but never like this.
To make a really slong story short, I ended up leaving from his apartment once he calmed down a bit, and got a little sleepy (I mind you was sick to my stomach), and he asked me again if we were really taking a break, and I told him no. Because if I said we were, he might have gone back to the kitchen and done something...or the balcony, or I don;t know anymore..
I'm really really depressed about this, and I don;t know what to do to calm him, and help him. It kills me to see him suffer like this, and I don;t know how long I can take it. Has anyone else been in a similar situation?? How do you deal with something like this??? All I need is some time to think things out objectively with a clear frame of mind. And I love him so much, that I can;t bear to sadden him like this.. He's been through a lot in his life and he feels that everything is always turning against him. Help please guys..I'm thinking of calling a help suicide line or something to get some advice..
I know I will not stay in a relationship just out of feeling bad for them, but I have to say this incident has really scared me...