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Originally Posted by shesus
I'm not sure if you can teach assertiveness. I think it's something that a person has to want and work for within themselves. You can practice being assertive by placing yourself outside of your comfort zone and going after what you want.
In my experience, I've found that when I gain assertiveness it is when I'm trying to get something that I really want. I used to be extremely shy and introverted. Terrified to talk to people, let alone state my opinions or desires. I've come along way by working with a variety of people and placing myself outside my comfort zone both professionally and personally. I'm in the midst of a growth right now actually in my journey to change careers.
So teaching assertiveness, I don't think is possible. Teaching strategies to aid in becoming more assertive is. But without the personal desire to become more assertive, there isn't a chance of learning it.
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I was, as a school years friend put it, 'extremely, painfully shy'. I hid under my hair, turned beet red if anyone said so much as 'hi'. I had no clue about being assertive at all and going for what I wanted. It wsn't until I hit a crisis point that I sought out professional help that I learned how to be assertive and even after that had to go through a process of facing fears and challenging myself constantly to do things I thought I couldn't do. It was that I feared doing things outside my comfort zone and once I did them (sort of like holding one's breath and jumping into a cold lake), felt empowered to go a little further.
Whether it's considered learning strategies or learning assertiveness, I've found that nothing is achieved if we don't face the fears head on first, be it jobsearching(fear of rejection) or life choices(fear of failure). I agree that without desire, it simply won't happen and that's true of almost every choice we make.
One example of learning to be assertive was a session of regressive therapy. The therapist played the part of my mom and we 'acted' out a scene from my childhood. Instead of cowering, though, I defended myself. Another session had her 'interview' me as a small child, asking me what I was feeling during a certain time. These exercises, which, though for me, were quite uncomfortable, were a part of learning how to assert oneself in a given situation. By changing the scenario to one in which I am empowered, the mindset of what one might be able to do is changed to one of assertiveness instead of passiveness.