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Originally Posted by Supple Cow
How can you know for sure that her planning an anniversary celebration 1.5 months in advance means that she's happy?
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I can't know for sure that anything is what it seems. However, she hasn't told me that she's not interested anymore or that she's unhappy with our relationship. I ask every so often if she's happy with what we have and she always says she is. I might just be paranoid about all the changes simply because I'm not used to them.
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From what you've written, I can't tell whether or not you're just thinking the worst of it for no reason, or if your distress over this is warranted. Does she say that she can't make it and then not offer or refuse to answer you with her reasons? Or does she give you a reason you would find acceptable, but you just don't believe her?
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Take this as an example: She told me that she has this coming Friday, Saturday and Sunday off from work. So, we made plans to go somewhere Friday during the day. I then asked her yesterday if she wanted to go see a movie with me on Saturday. She said that she'd have to see since she may have to work. This would be because they are letting someone go at her work. Now, at first I accepted that reason. It sounded...reasonable. However, when I thought a bit more about it, it didn't seem quite right. The person who is being let go is a receptionist. My girlfriend has a technical position, not that of a receptionist. So, why would she need to work that day...and why would she volunteer instead of taking the day off and sleeping in? It simply didn't make sense since she constantly complains about being tired from working so much. I couldn't tell if she didn't want to spend more time with me or if she genuinely wanted to help out at work.
Yes, I don't quite trust her as much as I used to. Mainly because of how quick her feelings have turned around in recent months. I don't know her to be like that.
I must point out that my girlfriend's best friend is quite protective of her. It used to be the case that whenever they'd spend time together, my girlfriend would come back to me and be unhappy about something in our relationship. I used to believe that her friend was against me and trying to break us up. So, I talked to her friend about it. She explained that she simply lets my girlfriend rant to her about me and our relationship. Then her friend tells her to do what makes her feel happy and nothing more. I'm slowly coming to accept that.
I worry now that she's spending too much time with these new single guy friends of hers. I'm not sure if she spends it alone with one of them in particular or if she's with a group. I don't feel right asking as it probably makes me look paranoid and very untrusting. One of these single guys is someone who she "dated" for one night when she "took a break" a couple months ago, hence some of my concern. She's given me the impression that he's just a friend and that she doesn't like him the same way. This is partly why I want her to reassure me that our relationship is alright. I don't want to be concerned about a friend of hers. I
want to trust her like I did.
Well, last night we chatted over MSN. It was not what I wanted to hear by any stretch. Needless to say, I didn't sleep much today.
She told me that she wants a closer relationship with me and that she's tired of it being long distance. She said she wants me closer so I can be there for her when she needs me, not just on the weekends (when I can drive down and spend time with her, since i'm 2 hours away by car). To recap one of my previous posts, the reason I moved away from where I was living (then only less than 30 mins away by car) was twofold. Firstly, I had a dead-end job and wasn't happy with that aspect of my life. Now I have a great, rewarding job with better pay and I live well. Secondly, she expressed to me her desire to move up to the area where I live now as it is a beautiful place to live and is the kind of community that she'd like to be in. Now she wants to stay where she is for the next year and a half so she can save up money to find a better job somewhere else. However, she doesn't want to move anywhere right now and she won't have me move either.
She says she wants the physical relationship back; the same relationship we decided to abstain from for a while because of how she felt about it. But she also says that she absolutely loves the relationship we've got right now without the physical and that she's enjoying that a great deal. She even went as far to say that sometimes when we are intimate she flat out
hates me. These are the feelings that she told me she was trying to deal with and that she really wants to find a way to manage.
So, now I really don't know what to do. After speaking with my best friend at length as well as my parents, I guess I have to be selfish and think about what's best for me at this point. None of my friends or family want to see me go through any emotional stuff like this again since this is the 3rd time in so many months that I've been this way. We still have plans for Thursday-Sunday of this week and still intend to go thru with them. At some point (hopefully not only on Sunday), we're going to talk about all of this and see what we can do. I think I'm going to push her to make a decision about what she wants to do. It's clear to me that she can't make up her mind about what she wants in her life. Either to be with me, or to continue the "comfortable" life of tiredness she has now.
She always said she hated being the "go-to" person; the person that had to be depended on all the time and had to be strong. When we were living closer to each other, she commented on how she loved me for being strong so she didn't always have to be. I had no problem being strong for her. I love her that much.
What I'd really like her to do is to move away from where she is. She's in an environment that's detrimental to her health and her mental stability, but she's too comfortable to be willing to move. I don't want to leave her.