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Martian · 07-06-2006, 07:01 PM

It's definitely not a game and ratbastid's analogy holds merit. The dude definitely knows what he's talking about in the affairs and offices of love.

My attitude is slightly different. The way I approach it sounds a bit counter-intuitive but it really amounts to the same thing.

I see it like this - if you want to ever have a chance of getting back together with this girl, you need to get it in your head that it's not really an option. Let's face it, at this point it isn't. I see a lot of people who want to recapture what they had; I'm guilty of the same thing, previously. The problem with that is, what you had is gone. Anything that develops now will be something different. In that respect, your attitude is basically where you want to be.

Whatever develops next is going to be out of your hands. You want to be with her, she doesn't want to be with you. She's the less interested party, which basically means that she decides where the relationship goes. This isn't game playing or power maneuvering, it's just a simple fact of life. You want to be with her, it's up to her to decide in the future whether she wants to be with you again or not. So, don't sit around holding your breath. Don't try to win her back. Don't chase after her. Forcing the issue is just going to cause her to go the other way and fast, as you've discovered.

She wants to be friends, so be her friend. That doesn't mean be her friend on the condition or hope that you get a future shot at her. Just treat her as another friend of yours. Leave the past in the past and try to have fun with her in the context of your new relationship. That might mean taking a few days or even weeks while you get all the old crap out of your system; if that's the case, explain to her that you just need a little bit of time to clear your head. And then, just let things flow. You may grow apart, you may get back together. Either or both of you may meet someone new. None of this is necessarily bad, although from the headspace you're in right now drifting apart from her probably really seems that way.

Basically, you need to take a bit of a que sera, sera approach here. Let things go where they're going to go and try not to worry about what's come before. If you can do that and if you can truly let go of your relationship with her, you'll have the best chance you're going to of reconciling.

07-06-2006, 07:01 PM	#7 (permalink)
Martian Young Crumudgeon Location: Canada	It's definitely not a game and ratbastid's analogy holds merit. The dude definitely knows what he's talking about in the affairs and offices of love. My attitude is slightly different. The way I approach it sounds a bit counter-intuitive but it really amounts to the same thing. I see it like this - if you want to ever have a chance of getting back together with this girl, you need to get it in your head that it's not really an option. Let's face it, at this point it isn't. I see a lot of people who want to recapture what they had; I'm guilty of the same thing, previously. The problem with that is, what you had is gone. Anything that develops now will be something different. In that respect, your attitude is basically where you want to be. Whatever develops next is going to be out of your hands. You want to be with her, she doesn't want to be with you. She's the less interested party, which basically means that she decides where the relationship goes. This isn't game playing or power maneuvering, it's just a simple fact of life. You want to be with her, it's up to her to decide in the future whether she wants to be with you again or not. So, don't sit around holding your breath. Don't try to win her back. Don't chase after her. Forcing the issue is just going to cause her to go the other way and fast, as you've discovered. She wants to be friends, so be her friend. That doesn't mean be her friend on the condition or hope that you get a future shot at her. Just treat her as another friend of yours. Leave the past in the past and try to have fun with her in the context of your new relationship. That might mean taking a few days or even weeks while you get all the old crap out of your system; if that's the case, explain to her that you just need a little bit of time to clear your head. And then, just let things flow. You may grow apart, you may get back together. Either or both of you may meet someone new. None of this is necessarily bad, although from the headspace you're in right now drifting apart from her probably really seems that way. Basically, you need to take a bit of a que sera, sera approach here. Let things go where they're going to go and try not to worry about what's come before. If you can do that and if you can truly let go of your relationship with her, you'll have the best chance you're going to of reconciling. __________________ I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said - Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame