Gilda

Do you have a competitive drive?

Yes. Not a very strong one, but a little bit of one.

Do you enjoy competing?

It depends on the game. Scrabble, Chess, Risk, Cards, sure. I enjoy the process of the competition more than anything, though, the mental stimulation that I get. I don't really care a whole lot whether I win, other than at a tournament, and I haven't competed in a tournament in years.

Professionally, Academically, or Athletically?

No, no, and you've got to be kidding.

Professionally I'm fine where I am. I'll publish the papers needed for advancement, but I'd do that anyway because I enjoy the intellectual stimulation of the work itself.

Academically, not much. I worked hard to be an honors student at every level of education I've achieved, but that isn't competetive in that I was competing against anybody else, it was more a case of my trying to be the best I could be at what I did and not disappoint my parents.

I don't know of any situation where grading on a curve is the best way to do things. In my classes, it's very difficult to get the high grades, but there's no competition for them.

Athletically, hmmm. I've never really understood the appeal of athletic competition, but that's ok, as I doubt many people understand the appeal of collecting comic books. Different tastes for different people, I suppose. I have about as much athletic ability as I do artistic, which is none and none.

If you do enjoy competition, what drives you?

For the games I play, it isn't a drive, it's the pleasure I get from the intellectual stimulation offered by the problem to be solved, and the social interaction I get with the people I love. I don't care very much whether I win or lose, and for the life of me cannont understand why anybody does enough to get upset over something so trivial. I have, on occasion, however, seen one of Sissy's boyfreinds get really involved in the winning aspect rather than enjoying the process.

I don't enjoy games with people outside my family nearly as much for this reason.

If you don't, what holds you back?

I've seen people get overly aggressive over trivial stuff like a basketball game or a board game, and it sucks all the fun out of it for me. Why not just enjoy the process of playing, and not place so much importance on winning? This is, I think, what drives so much of the insanity surrounding junior sports. The wrong goal--winning--is placed ahead of cooperation, teamwork, excercise, learning and practicing skills, and having fun.

Do you think that your status as a woman has much to do with your stance?

Possibly. Competetiveness is sometimes a product of aggressiveness, and aggressiveness is at least partly linked to hormone levels. More androgen, more aggressiveness, less androgen, less aggressiveness. The average woman has about the same amount of androgens (male hormones) and estrogens (female hormones) in her system, while the average male, from puberty on anyway, can have 100x as much testosterone as estrogen. This may, in many cases, contribute to a predisposition towards certain behaviors, though it does not in any case cause them. There are too many other factors to consider there.

I also grew up in a household where girls were treated one way, and boys another, and sex roles were highly reinforced. This was ok for me and Boris for the most part, as I very much liked being a girly girl and for Boris, as he's quite comfortable with the more typical masculine roles, but it doesn't work well for those who don't fit into traditional roles neatly. It was hell on Sissy.

Grace and I intend to raise our children in a gender neutral way. That isn't to say we're going to try to wipe out gender specific behaviors, but we aren't going to teach our children of either sex that there are things only boys should do or that only girls should do. We won't have girls toys for a girl and boys toys for a boy, we'll just have toys and let the child decide for herself what she likes, and not interfere with those choices. We won't force athletics on a child of either sex. Any skill that a child needs to learn will be taught to all children regardless of sex, such as basic car care, basic home health care, and basic cooking and household maintenance skills. We have no objection to those activities being split up between a couple, even along traditional gender lines if that's how a couple chooses to do it, but neither do we think it's wise to leave a girl deficient in how to maintain her car or a boy deficient in how to plan and prepare a decent meal. Those are life skills, not boys' or girls' skills.

We've been talking about this a lot lately.

Gilda