Rodney

I have an older sister who's treated me more or less like a clod of dirt for coming on 50 years -- she's nicer about it now, but there's still a resentment.

And I found out why, some years ago. She was the firstborn, Mommy's little girl, and my Mom fussed over her constantly and gave her all the attention in the world. Then:

1) I came along, and cut her allocation of attention in half.

2) She decided to run away from home because she was unhappy about it all (at the age of 3!) and my mom and dad, being from a rather stone-age school of child discipline, packed her a bag and shoved her out the door "to teach her a lesson." Of course she came back, but it was traumatic.

3) When I was born, they decided I needed a teddy bear; being frugal, and deciding that the three-year-old daughter was "old enough," they took her teddy bear away and gave it to me! I didn't find out about that for 30 years, but it was obvious that she was still _really_ pissed about it.

So there are reasons that my sister (still) resents me -- but I personally didn't cause any of them. And it could be the same thing in your case. She might envy you for some reason, or the folks might have spent years telling her she should be more like you, crap like that. Or she has other problems, and she feels free to take them out on you because you'll put up with it.

The one thing that's especially bad here is that her husband is encouraging her to take no responsibility for anything she does to you; when she's half ready to be sorry, he jumps in and tells her she doesn't have to be. As long as that dynamic's in place, it's going to be tough to have a relationship. Because he's encouraging her to be antisocial. She may be in danger of losing a lot of friends, not just you.