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I have had a relationship with someone who had been raped in two seperate occasions in her past, like you have. I realized that there wasn't anything I could do to fix her really early on, so I didn't try. I just listened and tried to understand.
Like a few others have mentioned, if you use your SO as a therapist, it might work for you but he will most likely resent it, as I did. It was definitely unconcious resentment for a while for me. She certainly got over her issues she had, but it damaged our relationship because I felt that I was giving and giving without enough recripication. And, being the nice guy that I am, I realized what was happening and kept it to myself, because I knew that she needed those talks with someone she was comfortable with more than I needed to not have those feelings.
I think this "shutting down" you mention is simply the beginning of this. It's probably a better way of handling it than I did, which was to help her, then later realize I was helping her at the cost of my own happiness. Of course, the best way would be for you to tell him what he needs to know, and save the rest of it for a therapist.
In conclusion, chill out on the boardmembers who aren't telling you what you want to hear, keep a therapist and a SO, and don't have them be the same person.
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"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)
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