thed00t

Ok so I know there is a big sticky post at the top of this forum with some great advice on this topic. I've read it, and I agree with it, and I've used it. But it doesn't apply to complicated shit like this. At least I don't think so.

More than advice I'm really looking for you guys to share your similar experiences with me and how it worked out.

For those who don't feel like reading my entire situation, here is the topic I'd like to tap into the TFP experience pool to learn more about. Please feel free to answer about your situation and elaborate on your experience.

I am a male and I have told a girl who was invovled with someone else how I felt and it worked out in my favor.
I am a male and I have told a girl who was invovled with someone else how I felt and it did not work out in my favor.
I am a female and I was invovled with someone else and a male told me how they felt about me and it worked out in their favor.
I am a female and I was invovled with someone else and a male told me how they felt about me and it did not work out in their favor.

--edit--
Adding another optional question. I'm not so much looking for advice (but it is welcome!) as looking for shared experiences to give me something to contemplate.

Ladies -- Let's say you were very attracted to someone and wanted to pursue a relationship with that person and knew it wouldn't work. Then you found out one of your guy friends (to both you and the person you were attracted to) was attracted to you in much the same way. How you would react? How have you reacted if it happened to you?
--edit--


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Now, on to the specific situation. First a little bit about me to qualify the scenario. I'm a male in my mid twenties. I'd say I'm a pretty fun loving nice guy. But not in a nice guy finishes last kind of sense. I have a good job and a close group of friends. I don't have much of a problem attracting women. I'm active and I work out and I seem to be able to make them laugh.

I've had 2 long term relationships over the past 7 years, one that lasted over 2 years and we lived together. I have no regrets about either relationship. The rest of the time I've spent dating a lot ect or just enjoying being single. For the past two years, I figure I've probably been on at least 2 dates a month, if not more. Sometimes they last for few months, but most of the time not really. I'd say one in five end up being phsyical. I'm not one to rush to the sack. Been there done that and my goals have changed. I'm looking for my girl, not a cheap romp.

I don't have a hard time meeting women, but lately I do have a hard time connecting with the ones I have been meeting. Lately, most of the attraction has been physical only. As I get to know them, I'm not attracted to their personality for various reasons and usually that's that. I've almost started to think that maybe I just don't feel that way anymore and I just need to give it more effort when I meet someone new. Well I met a girl that reaffirmed that I can be attracted to someone completely and not just physically. She's worth chasing and normally I would have no problem telling her how I feel, and I have almost twice, but there are some complications which are preventing me from doing so.

On to how I know this girl. I have a real good friend who I hang out with all the time. We've known eachother for over a decade, we share a lot of the same hobbies ect... your classic case of best friends I guess. He's moving to another city in winter. He picked up the girl in question and they hit it off at first. When they first started, he told her that he was moving to another city in several months, so he didn't want anything serious. As time went on, he mentioned to me that he wasn't really attracted to her physically that much. His type of girl is the real petite athletic type. He likes what he likes and he can't help that. This girl is more of the feminine curvy type. Not fat or even pudgy by any sense of the word. She's very attractive, sexy and cute, but just not his type I guess. So shortly after mentioning this to me, he started to "ween her off" for lack of a better term, but I guess it was too late. She already had a crazy crush on him. After she didn't really get the idea, he did the right thing and sat her down and told her basically that he was moving and didn't want a relationship ect. She understood and they continued to hang out, as friends. It was cool. We all hung out, as friends, for about a month and I always thought she was cute ect, but I didn't really feel the way about her then as I do now. To further complicate things, we (the girl and I) have discussed moving in together (as friends obviously) because we both need new roomates and our leases end around the same time. We did this before I realized I was attracted to her, obviously.

Well somewhere along the way that we've been hanging out for the past month I've started to become really attracted to her. Attracted to her in a way I haven't felt about a girl in years.

Now if this was the current situation and that was that, I would have no problem sitting her down and telling her that I like her a lot. That I was attracted to her both phsyically and personally and that I want to get to know her better and pursue a relationship. But it's not all there is to it.

As I mentioned we all hang out a lot. We party, go out, drink, ect together. It seems everytime we all get drunk, my buddy and her forget all about the conversations they've had before and make out. I know she still likes my buddy a lot. So she of course doesn't mind this even though she's torturing herself. I doubt she has the slightest idea how I feel. In fact, I know she doesn't because at one point she asked if I thought she was just hanging around us because she was lonely and pathetic. I told her I didn't, and I don't.

On one hand, I'm kind of disapointed in my buddy because if a girl was doing that to him, he'd drop her like a rock. He's basically leading her on, but not really since he's already told her what is up. Plus I can't be too mad at him because he only does it when they are drunk.

So if you are familar with the ladder theory, I'm square in the friend zone. She talks to me about her predicament with him, and like a sucker, I always give her advice and make her feel better. I've usually don't do that with girls, especially ones I like, because I know how that can kill your chances of having any sort of relationship with them. Girls, you can tell us how much you like to be friends first ect, but lets face it, it doesn't work that way (often) in practice. But with this girl, I just can't stand to see her upset, so I honestly want to help her. I'm not playing the friend to be close to her, I am her friend and I want her to be happy ect. I didn't mean to become attracted to this girl, I can't help it. She's got everything all the girls I've dated over the past few years didn't have.

At first when I realized I felt this way, I said screw it and decided to tell her. Then I realized that wouldn't be very fair to her because while she's not really invovled with my buddy, she really wants to be, so as far as I'm concerned, I might as well treat the situation like it is.

So I figured I'd just ignore it, especially since we're supposed to move in together. I tried to go out and date and meet a bunch of new girls. I went out, got some numbers, had a couple dinners, and that only reminded me how much I like this girl.

So to sum everything up: A girl I really want to pursue a relationship with, really wants to pursue a relationship with my best friend. A best friend who is going to move away in a few months. And to top it all off, me and the girl are supposed to find an apartment, as roomates, in a few months.

Honestly at this point, I'm ready to do one of two things:

1. Try my best to get over it, move in with her, and just be her friend. I know if I try hard enough I can do this, but it's been two years since I felt this way about someone and I'm starting to see how rare special girls like this are.
2. Tell her how I feel and deal with the results as they come. My instincts tell me that she'll feel like I've violated our friendship because she knows that I know how
much she likes my buddy.

--edit--
I don't really consider it to be a problem with my buddy if I talk to him about this. He's told me on a few occasions that he doesn't want a relationship with her, and he has told her this as well. However they do remain good friends who tend to make out when drunk, so obviously I'd talk to him first. But being the type of guy he is, I doubt he'd have a problem with it.

The girl on the other hand, likes him a lot and wants a relationship with him, but kids herself if she thinks anything but friendship will happen, since for one thing he's moving and secondly she's not his type (which I don't understand).
--edit--

Either way I'm ready to act because I'm definitely not the type of guy to sit around and mope about this shit. And I definitely don't want to sit here a year from now and have regrets about this situation. But I also don't want to lose her as a friend. I'd rather deal with a few months of something I can't have, than lose her as a friend. My friends are the most important thing to me.

Now I know most of you will chime in on this thread and tell me to tell her how I feel. Ok, well, qualify that please. Tell me about a time where you have been in a similar situation and how it worked out. I have no problems telling strangers how I feel, so this situation is different for me.

So.... TFP.... While I want your advice, more than that I call on you to share your experiences with me.

Tell me about the times where you've told someone how you feel where it has been a complicated situation and how it worked out.