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I also think it's my poor communication skills and my unwillingness to face certain issues with him.
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That might very well be something you have to work on... but it's not a reason to accept blame for something that you didn't do...
Emotional cheating is very real and in my mind, far worse than sexual cheating, but that's not what you did... It sounds like you were looking for a friend... someone you could be yourself with, something that you might be missing in your current relationship, due to location... (do you and your boyfriend have plans to eventually be in the same place forever?)
I gotta wonder if your boyfriend would have had the reaction he did, and you would be feeling the way you are if your boss was female, and the same conversations were had...