Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Am I over-thinking this, or do I have cause for concern?

Key · 06-11-2006, 05:58 AM

that's really really shitty, sorry you're in that situation man. you definitely have cause for concern, it'd be pure ignorance to ignore it if she's in your face about it.

but first off, don't be her puppy dog. you're your own man, your own person, your own entity with its own life. don't sit around the house waiting by the phone while she's hanging out with some guy- go to the bars with your buddies, go to your own parties. make sure you have your own life- if your whole life is situated around her solely, warning flares should be going up and you should take steps to change that.

if she knows you're always going to be there, she has NO reason to not do anything she wants, and hang out with any guy she wants. start seeing yourself as the prize, not her. she should be grateful for time with you, and she won't be if you keep handing it out like bad hip hop club fliers. we take things that are given to us in abundance for granted, that's what she's doing, taking you for granted. i didn't read your other threads on any sickness, but i don't believe it would change the point.

now here's the tough love part .. face the fact if she doesn't want to hang out with you, there's nothing you can do to force her, just because she's "with" you doesn't mean she's lawbound to spend friday night with you on the couch. you're not married, and even if you were it wouldn't change the nature- she has to want to be with you. demonstrate higher value than this chump.

it sounds like she's holding you on the line while she tests the water with this guy. you're giving her a chance to build value on him, without losing any value from you. she's spending time with him to see how high his value will go. as soon as his value is higher than yours, you'll be on the streets. if he doens't build enough value .. she goes "see i told you nothing was going on" and dumps him (more likely she'll keep his number "as a friend" .. you know, for backup purposes) abd you're "safe". so from her position- why not give this new guy more time? she's not losing anything from you, in fact she's getting MORE attention from you. stop giving her that.

let her know you won't be her chump, and you don't be disrespected like that. if she breaks plans, CALL her on it and don't be like "ohh .. well i thought we had these plans like for weeks .. ok .. well that's fine if you want to break them .." it most certainly is NOT fine. it's a slippery slope, be careful. one day it's "can i go to the movies with him?", the next day it's "oh i forgot we had plans", the next it's "oh, i know we had plans, but i'm breaking them" and then it's "hey i'm having sex with him, can you bring us a box of condoms when you return my cds?" she'll keep pushing the boundaries until it's so ridiculous what you'll put up with she'll just break it off with you.

.. but that's just my opinion.

06-11-2006, 05:58 AM	#6 (permalink)
Key Crazy	that's really really shitty, sorry you're in that situation man. you definitely have cause for concern, it'd be pure ignorance to ignore it if she's in your face about it. but first off, don't be her puppy dog. you're your own man, your own person, your own entity with its own life. don't sit around the house waiting by the phone while she's hanging out with some guy- go to the bars with your buddies, go to your own parties. make sure you have your own life- if your whole life is situated around her solely, warning flares should be going up and you should take steps to change that. if she knows you're always going to be there, she has NO reason to not do anything she wants, and hang out with any guy she wants. start seeing yourself as the prize, not her. she should be grateful for time with you, and she won't be if you keep handing it out like bad hip hop club fliers. we take things that are given to us in abundance for granted, that's what she's doing, taking you for granted. i didn't read your other threads on any sickness, but i don't believe it would change the point. now here's the tough love part .. face the fact if she doesn't want to hang out with you, there's nothing you can do to force her, just because she's "with" you doesn't mean she's lawbound to spend friday night with you on the couch. you're not married, and even if you were it wouldn't change the nature- she has to want to be with you. demonstrate higher value than this chump. it sounds like she's holding you on the line while she tests the water with this guy. you're giving her a chance to build value on him, without losing any value from you. she's spending time with him to see how high his value will go. as soon as his value is higher than yours, you'll be on the streets. if he doens't build enough value .. she goes "see i told you nothing was going on" and dumps him (more likely she'll keep his number "as a friend" .. you know, for backup purposes) abd you're "safe". so from her position- why not give this new guy more time? she's not losing anything from you, in fact she's getting MORE attention from you. stop giving her that. let her know you won't be her chump, and you don't be disrespected like that. if she breaks plans, CALL her on it and don't be like "ohh .. well i thought we had these plans like for weeks .. ok .. well that's fine if you want to break them .." it most certainly is NOT fine. it's a slippery slope, be careful. one day it's "can i go to the movies with him?", the next day it's "oh i forgot we had plans", the next it's "oh, i know we had plans, but i'm breaking them" and then it's "hey i'm having sex with him, can you bring us a box of condoms when you return my cds?" she'll keep pushing the boundaries until it's so ridiculous what you'll put up with she'll just break it off with you. .. but that's just my opinion.