raeanna74

This has been so frustrating today. I've gotta vent and if any of you can give me some good advice on how to deal with it I would forever be grateful. So here's the story...

This morning I wake up to a nice day outside. I figure we can mow the lawn before it gets too warm so I'm picking up garbage and litter from the yard. I'm out back near the neighbors motor home which is right on the edge of the yard. The grass has gotten quite tall there so it's caught a lot of litter. I'm leaning over picking up stuff from even under the motorhome so I doesn't blow back and things look better. I see I pink item under the motor home. My daughter is always leaving things out and so who knows what it is, her's or a neighbors. I drag it out and find - cigarrettes and matches. A stash of them. On the bag is an initial. In our neighborhood there are only two kids who's names begin with that initial and one of them is just turning 13, She will be child number one, from family A. That particular one along with another friend of her's, who will be child number 2 from family C tend to get into a bit of trouble. So, I take the purse to family C. Family C's parents go to speak to family A's parents and they deal accordingly with their respective offenders.

At this point I thought things were over. It appears they weren't.

We leave to do a little bit of shopping and when we return home we discover that families A, B, C, and D have all at least had their children if not parents invited to family A's daughter's birthday party this evening. We have not been invited. After later investigation it seems invitations were given by word of mouth just before the party started. Since we were here atm we weren't asked to come.

Just about the time that the party seems to be winding down and the kids coming back out to play and my daughter rides her bike down to say Hi. I come inside and she returns shortly to say that a couple kids called her a Tattle tale. Apparently child #2 from the earlier incident and another girl from family B called her this name.

I'm out working on a trellis on the front steps (sanding and painting it) and watching the kids. None of the parents are really outside for very long, some are in and out but most of the time it's only the kids. My daughter (who is 5 and one of the youngest in the neighborhood) is riding her bike up and down the block and past the house where the party was. She says hi multiple times and only the oldest of the kids even acknowledge her. Finally she starts after one of the kids, the girl from family B who is closer in age to her and begins saying "Hi _first name_" every time she passes. The girl continues to ignore her. I even say "Hi" twice to the same girl as she rides past and she refuses to look at me. I'm beginning to think that the kids are angry that two of their crew are in trouble because of my family. What else am I supposed to think. So my daughter, when she gets no response, begins to say "Hi _first and last name." Every time she passes. The girl still refuses to answer until finally she turns on my daughter and says "Stop saying that. I don't like you calling me by my whole name." Fine, I call my daughter and tell her to stop saying the girls whole name. She does not listen and does it one more time. The girl and boy from family B both then turn on her (they are just about 14 feet away on the other side of the Lilac bush out front) and they both call her a "tattle tale." I've had it at this point (Besides the fact that I'm currently PMSing) and I get down, walk around the bush and literally yell (I know I shouldn't yell at them - but I did) saying "Don't call each other names, and don't (speaking to my own child) keep calling 'girl child from family B' by her full name if she doesn't want you to." "If you two think that my daughter tattled on anything she DIDN"T. I did it. She knew nothing about it. So leave her out of it." I turn back to my work then. End of story I thought.

So kids are still ignoring my daughter. In fact they're glaring at me as they walk past numerous times and when I say Hi in a friendly way to the kids from all 4 families I get very few responses - mostly from the 2 or 3 oldest. I even tell child #1 from family C "Happy Birthday" as it is her birthday. She mumbles a thanks and won't make eye contact with me.

What am I to do but assume that the kids are aware that I'm the one who found the contraband and turned them in?

Well later the kids are a block South of our property playing at the house across from my brother's place. My nephew just so happens to be there as well. The kids are sitting in a circle on the sidewalk (about 10 of them at least) and there are no parents present. I take my daughter for a bike ride to the gas station and we pass by the house. The kids get up and run around the corner headed West as they see us approach. When we pass they stop and watch us. It's obvious they're avoiding us and my daughter is looking more and more pained by these responses.

On the way back I see my nephew but no other kids from my immediate neighborhood. I call a 'hello' to my nephew and pass on. Not long after getting home my brother calls "What's going on??!"
"I dunno - the kids are kindof mad at us I think, they're ignoring my daughter... why? what's going on?"
"Well B (my nephew) said that when you guys rode by before the kids from your neighborhood got up and ran off saying "Here comes H and L, lets run!" Then later two of the girls (my nephew could give no description) rode by and said "Your cousin is a tattle-tale" "

So I call my neighbor A where most of the kids are currently congregated. I inform her of the situation.

Hubby is getting concerned and wants to know what's going on. So we go over to talk to parent A. In the process of it the kids from house B are there, the leave rapidly and apparently to tell their mother of the goings on. Mother B and mother C arrive in the house (beer in hand, btw) to confront me about 'yelling' at B's kids. The yelling occured about 4 hours prior to this. I say that I have no current gripe and that I'm just trying to understand the problems that are going on and why my brother's kid is being harrassed as well. Mother B starts into me with "I would like you never to yell at my kids again. I want you to come to me like an adult and tell me what is wrong." She never apologized for her kids calling my daughter any names. She never acknowledged that I'd yelled at my daughter for bothering the girl either. She simply attacked me. I simply answer her with "Yes I will tell you if there's any other problems and I won't yell at your kids." Which I intend to keep. I do not need to yell - it was my irritation and emotions kicking in.

So - now what. I've considered seriously going to my neighbor B when she is outside and the kids are there as well and apologizing to the kids in her hearing for yelling at them and tell them that I promise I won't yell again but I will talk to mother B if I have any problems. Confirming what she requests but attempting to offer the olive branch. I dont' know if this would be a concession that would hurt my case or help it.

I don't know how to help protect my child. As she is the youngest of most of the children and the only one who has no siblings to stand up for her she is OFTEN picked on. If I can't defend her then who will? The kids FREQUENTLY congregate in my yard and take advantage of my hospitality. If I cannot discipline then how am I to maintain order in my yard and home? This Mother B who yelled at me has never acknowledged that I helped her child this past Friday. She was out drinking, her husband was home sleeping and her two children were in MY pool. The boy got stung by a bee and I brought him dripping wet into my kitchen, removed the stinger, gave him a baking soda paste to help, and sent him home with his usual sitter (who happened to be here) to find his allergy meds. I assumed she'd know where they were. It seems she didn't and had to call mom to find them. She only complained that the call was a real buzz kill.

What can I do? I want to maintain peace in my neighborhood (I'm by nature a peacekeeper). I do not want my daughter picked on or my yard continually trashed (which can be the case at times) without my being able to control any of it. I feel helpless, frustrated, hurt, and scared.

At least tell me I'm not completely nuts for being a little protective?

__________________
"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.