Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - My son got hysterical today:( Really upset:(

Suzz04 · 06-09-2006, 04:13 PM

I had thought about staying out of this thread but I'd like to share my experience.

When my daughter was about 4... the courts ordered that she was to spend 4 weeks with her father in the summer. Now, mind you, the order stated that the 4 weeks were to be divided up into 2 week periods. He went ahead and kept her for 2 weeks and didn't do the next set of time.

My parents and I never spoke anything ill of her father while she was around. Never displayed any negative emotions towards him either on the phone, in person, or him not even around.

Our first court order visit pick up day was a disaster. Quite literally. It was emotionally, physically, and mentally a disaster. When she left she was a happy child. The day he came to get her, she kicked, screamed, cried the whole time. My mother was unable to handle it and had to escape to the bathroom to try and not make the situation worse. Her father picked her up and forced her into the car and drove away. She was still screaming, kicking and crying. She cried every day she was with him.

Why didn't I go get her? I'm in Virginia... he lives in New York. She came back a very different child than what she was when she left. When she left, she was potty trained and had been for the past 2 years at least.

Upon returning she had nightly bedtime accidents. We tried stopping drinks by a certain hour, going to potty before bed, waking up in the middle of the night to go, as well as the training pants all over again. This went on til... sadly... this past October. She's 10 now. The doctor told me that it was a mental issue. When she stresses, she might have a accident. Not very often. We've been in the clear since October til this last week. Her father comes next week to get her for his summer visitation.

Have I explained to him that she doesn't want to go? That I have listened to her cry for the month up til he gets her that she doesn't want to go? Yes. I have told him repeatedly. I've given hints, I've done everything up til saying flat out that she doesn't want to be with him. With the exception of this year. This year I told him that she does NOT want to be going to New York this year. And I told him he wasn't goig to blame me for it and he could deal with it through her.

In two years, she'll be able to say "No I'm not going" and not be forced into it. Without going back to court, which I cannot afford right now, he is rentless and forces her to go. I'm not sure if he just doesn't care or what the deal with him is.

There is no abuse. Our daughter has a clear understanding of telling the right people for any type of abuse regardless of what they say to her to stop her from telling.

I know that she is our daughter but I have been the one to raise her. During our marriage together, he stayed gone from the home as much as possible. And after I left, he never spent any time with her til the custody issue came up and he got the summer visits. He never started to communicate with her over the phone til the month before our custody issue. Which was almost 2 years after I left him. Most of the time he calls now. There are alot of times that he has stated he forgot to call.

But, I have to agree with Mal and others.... document every thing. Every visit, every phone call, anything you can think of even if it is so silly that you'd be embarassed to write it down. Try to show a pattern in your son's and ex's behaviors from this point out. And try to stay as neutral as you can until your son is no where in hearing range or not with you two.

You did state that he hit you once. I strongly suggest you have a witness with you other than your parents. Being that the lawyers if it comes to that point will try to say along the lines that your parents would back you up and say anything.

Sorry to have posted so much.

06-09-2006, 04:13 PM	#18 (permalink)
Suzz04 Crazy Location: Virginia	I had thought about staying out of this thread but I'd like to share my experience. When my daughter was about 4... the courts ordered that she was to spend 4 weeks with her father in the summer. Now, mind you, the order stated that the 4 weeks were to be divided up into 2 week periods. He went ahead and kept her for 2 weeks and didn't do the next set of time. My parents and I never spoke anything ill of her father while she was around. Never displayed any negative emotions towards him either on the phone, in person, or him not even around. Our first court order visit pick up day was a disaster. Quite literally. It was emotionally, physically, and mentally a disaster. When she left she was a happy child. The day he came to get her, she kicked, screamed, cried the whole time. My mother was unable to handle it and had to escape to the bathroom to try and not make the situation worse. Her father picked her up and forced her into the car and drove away. She was still screaming, kicking and crying. She cried every day she was with him. Why didn't I go get her? I'm in Virginia... he lives in New York. She came back a very different child than what she was when she left. When she left, she was potty trained and had been for the past 2 years at least. Upon returning she had nightly bedtime accidents. We tried stopping drinks by a certain hour, going to potty before bed, waking up in the middle of the night to go, as well as the training pants all over again. This went on til... sadly... this past October. She's 10 now. The doctor told me that it was a mental issue. When she stresses, she might have a accident. Not very often. We've been in the clear since October til this last week. Her father comes next week to get her for his summer visitation. Have I explained to him that she doesn't want to go? That I have listened to her cry for the month up til he gets her that she doesn't want to go? Yes. I have told him repeatedly. I've given hints, I've done everything up til saying flat out that she doesn't want to be with him. With the exception of this year. This year I told him that she does NOT want to be going to New York this year. And I told him he wasn't goig to blame me for it and he could deal with it through her. In two years, she'll be able to say "No I'm not going" and not be forced into it. Without going back to court, which I cannot afford right now, he is rentless and forces her to go. I'm not sure if he just doesn't care or what the deal with him is. There is no abuse. Our daughter has a clear understanding of telling the right people for any type of abuse regardless of what they say to her to stop her from telling. I know that she is our daughter but I have been the one to raise her. During our marriage together, he stayed gone from the home as much as possible. And after I left, he never spent any time with her til the custody issue came up and he got the summer visits. He never started to communicate with her over the phone til the month before our custody issue. Which was almost 2 years after I left him. Most of the time he calls now. There are alot of times that he has stated he forgot to call. But, I have to agree with Mal and others.... document every thing. Every visit, every phone call, anything you can think of even if it is so silly that you'd be embarassed to write it down. Try to show a pattern in your son's and ex's behaviors from this point out. And try to stay as neutral as you can until your son is no where in hearing range or not with you two. You did state that he hit you once. I strongly suggest you have a witness with you other than your parents. Being that the lawyers if it comes to that point will try to say along the lines that your parents would back you up and say anything. Sorry to have posted so much. __________________ Quantum Cat Theory: Upon hearing the sound of a can being opened, it becomes possible for a cat to travel faster than the speed of light.