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At about that age, my son would throw screaming, clinging to me fits when I took him to his weekly activity center. He and his sister had been going for a while with no problem, and suddenly he would just go ballistic and scream bloody murder the minute we walked in. Separation anxiety, but what made it worse was (and I didn't know this for 3 more years) that he had a behavioral allergy to sodium nitrates. They are found in all processed meats like bologna, bacon, etc. These caused extreme emotional response (tantrums), belligerence, unprovoked or out of synch talking and 'blanking out'.
I agree, you should document his behavior before he goes on his visits, after he comes home and take it one step further and keep a food diary as well. If his behavior is erratic, even when with you, document what he's eaten. Common food allergies can be dairy, eggs, sodium nitrates, nuts. That age, they go on food kicks where they only want one or two things. If his behavior is still what you consider unacceptable or out of the ordinary, go back, see what he ate, what his activities were, then cut out the most common food for one week. Keep track of any changes.
The ex's response to you was unnecessarily defensive; kind of sends up a flag, but then again he might have a new woman in his life and doesn't want you to know that. You're primary caregiver and it's your right to know where your son is at all times regardless.
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Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.
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