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I don't think control is that important - at least in the sense you refer to it. It is good to have some notion of what is appropriate. But I do not repress my emotions, instead working through them and expressing them when necessary and adequate.
You use the word control far too many times in your original post for me to believe that the form of mental self-control that you refer to is actually something balanced and healthy.
You say you'd rather be emotionless than an emotional wreck, but would you rather be emotionless, period? I'd rather be emotional. What is the point of so much control in one's life? Emotions are one of the few things people have in this world that makes them feel alive and of some value.
I agree that some people blow up at the slightest thing, and myself being a person with a, shall we say, interesting temper, I have learned throughout my life to keep that under control, and in the process I have learned a lot about understanding and listening to others. So I understand what you are saying about control.
But I think it's ok for people to feel depressed and let certain events that have happened to them and caused negative outcomes in their lives overcome them, because for a while, that's what those people need to feel. Sometimes you need to grieve. I'm not sure whether a stony resolve is a quality in this case. I'ts not good to wallow in self-pity, I agree. But allowing yourself to feel your own mind and heart's suffering is the best way of coming out a better, more mature and level-headed person.
I think your post is a bit judgmental of others, everyone is different. When you say that you think it's ridiculous that people have heated arguments about small things, and that "it takes very little skill to realize when you're going to become emotional and avoid it". I'm not sure it takes so little skill as you say. Many people don't have that skill. I dare say a great majority. I'm not saying I think it's a good thing, I think I have that skill to some extent. But perhaps what seems so simple to you is actually not so evident to others.
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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.
Fernando Pessoa, 1918
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