Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - How much mental control do you have? And is it important?

abaya · 05-15-2006, 07:10 PM

I am "in control" of my emotions for most of my day, especially when I am at work or in school. This is because I don't see any other choice for exhibiting character, discipline, and integrity when I am responsible for tasks or other people. I restrict myself a great deal from expressing or even acknowledging emotions when I am in those roles. I would say 99% of the people in my life, from the time I was in high school up to now, have never seen me cry or "freak out" in any manner.

However, when I am alone or with one of the few people that I allow myself to be vulnerable around (mostly my bf

but occasionally some close family members or friends), then I allow myself to feel emotions that I am otherwise forced to ignore by this illusion of "mental control" placed on us by Western society. I let myself feel genuinely happy, sad, grieving, etc, and when those emotions are ready to pass, I try to let them go their way. Sometimes it's hard work to let go of them, but like aberkok, I am learning a lot about myself in my later 20s. Meditation often helps, even if it's just me following my own breathing while I am falling asleep (to quiet my often racing mind and feelings). Mostly, I just need to talk things out, or write them out in a journal, and then the feelings go away.

This code-switching process is part of who I am, and I feel healthier by allowing myself to both remain in control (as society demands) and also to feel and express my passing emotions. I don't see the latter as a loss of mental control, whatsoever. I see extreme mental control as being rather counter-productive to one's health, actually, and overly suppressive to an individual's well-being and balance. I saw it the most when teaching adolescents... the inculcation of what is proper male vs. female "mental control"... it is pretty abhorrent to me, actually, because you see the psychological damage for both genders and their relationships with each other.

Finding a balance (or at least not getting too imbalanced) is far more important than grasping for control, in my opinion.

05-15-2006, 07:10 PM	#5 (permalink)
abaya Location: Iceland	I am "in control" of my emotions for most of my day, especially when I am at work or in school. This is because I don't see any other choice for exhibiting character, discipline, and integrity when I am responsible for tasks or other people. I restrict myself a great deal from expressing or even acknowledging emotions when I am in those roles. I would say 99% of the people in my life, from the time I was in high school up to now, have never seen me cry or "freak out" in any manner. However, when I am alone or with one of the few people that I allow myself to be vulnerable around (mostly my bf but occasionally some close family members or friends), then I allow myself to feel emotions that I am otherwise forced to ignore by this illusion of "mental control" placed on us by Western society. I let myself feel genuinely happy, sad, grieving, etc, and when those emotions are ready to pass, I try to let them go their way. Sometimes it's hard work to let go of them, but like aberkok, I am learning a lot about myself in my later 20s. Meditation often helps, even if it's just me following my own breathing while I am falling asleep (to quiet my often racing mind and feelings). Mostly, I just need to talk things out, or write them out in a journal, and then the feelings go away. This code-switching process is part of who I am, and I feel healthier by allowing myself to both remain in control (as society demands) and also to feel and express my passing emotions. I don't see the latter as a loss of mental control, whatsoever. I see extreme mental control as being rather counter-productive to one's health, actually, and overly suppressive to an individual's well-being and balance. I saw it the most when teaching adolescents... the inculcation of what is proper male vs. female "mental control"... it is pretty abhorrent to me, actually, because you see the psychological damage for both genders and their relationships with each other. Finding a balance (or at least not getting too imbalanced) is far more important than grasping for control, in my opinion. __________________ And think not you can direct the course of Love; for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. --Khalil Gibran