Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - How to prevent violent behavior in toddlers?

zfleebin · 05-14-2006, 01:37 AM

I cannot give advice for your situation specifically without observing the child and baselining the behavior but I am willing to talk about methods for dealing with aggressive behavior in children in general since I have training in this and can show the effectiveness of the methods I use. My general rule is: if I feel children are jeopardizing my safety I will restrain them until they stop. I think it is important to address these behaviors directly and to make it clear to the child by stopping the behavior, using isolation or restraint if necessary, and explaining to them in a strong clear voice that it is not ok to attack people.

When a child first becomes innappropriately aggressive make sure you react by saying "ouch that hurts" and pulling yourself away from the child. Ask them "why are you hurting me?" in some cases you will find the child is either trying to communicate something to you or even trying to initiate play. Next explain to them that hurting others is not ok and that people do not want to communicate/play with people that hurt them. Then suggest alternatives "instead of hitting me when you want to play try asking me" After reading all this your probably thinking these are way obvious methods of dealing with aggression. However, you would be surprised at how many parents let their kids hurt them without even trying to figure out why the kids are hitting or offering the kids alternative behaviors.

Now in some cases children have aggressive behavior that is not able to be adressed through discussion. For these kids some advocate spanking (positive punishment) or time outs (negative punishment). I will probably get a lot of flak for this but I see very few parents that have enough understanding of positive punishment (spanking, hitting) to use it effectively so I recommend against it. Negative punishment, on the other hand, is a totally different story. A great deal of parents use this now a days and it is very forgiving even if you screw it up. Beyond that, negative punishment is not just about telling your kids to sit in a corner it can also include a physical component that stops the behavior as quickly as positive punishment.

Sorry for cutting this short but I need to go to sleep. If what I am saying sounds like it may help you tell me and I will finish this hopefully sometime tomorrow.

05-14-2006, 01:37 AM	#3 (permalink)
zfleebin Addict	I cannot give advice for your situation specifically without observing the child and baselining the behavior but I am willing to talk about methods for dealing with aggressive behavior in children in general since I have training in this and can show the effectiveness of the methods I use. My general rule is: if I feel children are jeopardizing my safety I will restrain them until they stop. I think it is important to address these behaviors directly and to make it clear to the child by stopping the behavior, using isolation or restraint if necessary, and explaining to them in a strong clear voice that it is not ok to attack people. When a child first becomes innappropriately aggressive make sure you react by saying "ouch that hurts" and pulling yourself away from the child. Ask them "why are you hurting me?" in some cases you will find the child is either trying to communicate something to you or even trying to initiate play. Next explain to them that hurting others is not ok and that people do not want to communicate/play with people that hurt them. Then suggest alternatives "instead of hitting me when you want to play try asking me" After reading all this your probably thinking these are way obvious methods of dealing with aggression. However, you would be surprised at how many parents let their kids hurt them without even trying to figure out why the kids are hitting or offering the kids alternative behaviors. Now in some cases children have aggressive behavior that is not able to be adressed through discussion. For these kids some advocate spanking (positive punishment) or time outs (negative punishment). I will probably get a lot of flak for this but I see very few parents that have enough understanding of positive punishment (spanking, hitting) to use it effectively so I recommend against it. Negative punishment, on the other hand, is a totally different story. A great deal of parents use this now a days and it is very forgiving even if you screw it up. Beyond that, negative punishment is not just about telling your kids to sit in a corner it can also include a physical component that stops the behavior as quickly as positive punishment. Sorry for cutting this short but I need to go to sleep. If what I am saying sounds like it may help you tell me and I will finish this hopefully sometime tomorrow.