marauder

Mantus just outlined a set of choices that Das Eighty could have made at the various decision times in the "courtship". It's funny how the *right* choices get labelled "toying", "games" or "manipulation" and the *wrong* choices probably get called "being yourself."

Das Eighty, you both wanted to get together, and as the guy it is your role to guide the girl around whatever baggage is in her head that gets in the way of what she wants. This might sound unfortunate ("why doesn't the girl ever ask *me* out?") until you embrace it and realise that it gives you control over your relationship destiny.

I think Fia may have taken particular objection to "set up a scenario" -- and it depends how you read it. Certainly don't engineer some elaborate scheme to win your girl. That's for the movies, it's hard work, and there's more chance it'll turn out creepy than romantic. I would have thought all Mantus meant was to get her into a situation where she's feeling strong emotion and attaction. The best way to do that is with your words, actions, and energy -- not with a location or an activity. And please, please, no bribes: flowers, gifts, paying for dinner, etc. That right there is true "manipulation" and it doesn't work. You can't buy attraction.

The reason you're stuck in the friends place now is that if you see a girl for five days straight, and build a bunch of tension and desire and attraction, you both have to act on it. Otherwise the girl will stop and *think* about all the lusty desires in her head, and panic, and throw up all the rationalisation-objections you've seen: "we're moving too fast", "I might lose him as a friend", even "good girls don't think this way!" I read her objections as false in this case. Sure, she probably feels them, but they're not based on anything deep-seated. She is definitely back in the game.

What I would do now: become a lot less available. I suggest seeing her once a week or less -- that's how often you'd see a friend anyway. And don't let her be the only option on your menu until you're actually going out. Since you are now friends it's totally OK to let her know that sorry, you're having drinks with [some other girl] that night. You will be amazed at how having to actually go after what she wants, before you become someone else's reward, will clear out false objections in her mind. And for gods' sake, when in a few weeks' time you're with her on the couch back at your place, and the video is just ending, and you look at her, then down at her lips, then back into her eyes, and her eyes say GO GO GO, lean in and kiss her! Then you're on.