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I would have to agree with (most) and blame the parents. Except for one thing - my now 9yr old was a total demon from the time he was 3 until just a year or two ago. He still occasionally flips out and throws chairs, but nothing like he used to be. Gosh the GUILT I felt as his mother! I went for years thinking that I was a terrible parent. But the younger two are perfectly normal kids, and we haven't done anything _differently_. The difference is appaling. If you could see a video of my 9yr old at three and compare it to a video of my 6yr old when he was three and our now 3yr old... The younger two have manners, ask questions constantly, cuddle and pet the cats, please, thank you, yes ma'am and no sir... So why would one child be so terribly different in the exact same environment? (My oldest is usually okay with animals and small children, now I would trust him to watch the 3yr old while I do laundry. But Back Then... The worst thing he ever did was push a toy screwdriver completely through a pet hamster at the age of 7. His therapist at the time said he thought that Boy was absorbing my horrified reaction and using it as his own - takes empathy training to a whole new level when your child isn't born with ANY...) It has to be chemical. When the eldest was 5, he was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD; now they say it must have been a misdiagnosis. Lots of parental research (The Explosive Child was our biggest help!) and trying many different methods. We finally got him under control - and more importantly we have taught him to control himself. And the most important, he cries about premie babies hooked up to monitors, homeless animals, and when others get hurt. We expose him to things we might not have otherwise - like Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, and commercials about starving babies in Africa. We also drag him to church on Saturdays to help cook and hand out food to the homeless. It's made an impact, and he really does seem to be developing his own sense of empathy - a little too much sometimes as now he wants to be a vegetarian because he feels sorry for the cows, pigs, and chickens we eat... It's a work in progress. But I can't fault parents who are in that position and honestly don't know what to do. There is a point where you want to give up on your child because you feel personally responsible and feel like anything you could do would just make it worse... I mean... Imagine waking up at 2am to find that your son has damaged the family pet hamster so badly that the little thing is lying on its side with insides spilling out? Imagine the trip to the emergency vet, the tears, and the anger and frustration when he doesn't seem to understand what is wrong? I made him walk into the back with me to see her in the little air mask, curled on her side and shaved so they could work on her. I made him talk to the nurses about the damage that was done and the decision to have her put down. Then I made that decision, and I made him stand there and watch while they did it. He petted her one last time and told her goodbye. And cried. That was one of the most important breakthroughs of his young life. And he seems to understand how bad it was - he has just recently shown an interest in owning a pet of his own, but has told me that he understands why I won't let him have one without me having to say a word. Maybe I'll let him have a fish in a year or two if he continues to behave "normally".
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