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How about my first time:
I had about 3/4 of a liter of Kentucky Gentleman (whiskey that costs approximately $7 a liter) during the night. After I fingered her for a bit she got off, and I got on top to go for it. I'm not sure if it was the setting (a futon in the living room of an apartment of all girls), or the whiskey, or just my inexperience, I was going for insertion, and after a couple of pushes, just fell off to the side, and hit my head on the metal frame on the way down. I dug the trench, but failed to put the pipe in the ditch.
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"I'm telling you, we need to get rid of a few people or a million."
-Maddox
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