blahblah454

Okay this lady friend of mine and I have been fooling around for a while now but we have not had sex. Last night I slept over but nothing happened that night, but in the morning when we woke up she was grinding her ass into my crotch and I was standing at full attention. Anyways we kissed and fooled around a little then I got a condom and we were going to have sex. Everything was fine, condom went on no problem. Then when I went to insert my little soldier into her it wouldnt go in... I was a little confused so reached down to grab it and I wasn't even errect anymore.

I was still turned on and she was kissing me and it was all feeling great, but no response from my man. She didn't seem to mind and just grabbed onto my and we just cuddled for about 20 minuits or so before we had to part ways for work. She knows how I feel about her and knows how turned on I get by her. A simple kiss on the neck or a rub of the leg and I am standing at attention... and then this! I have no idea what happened.

Now when I talk to her I feel like I have failed somehow. I honestly feel terrible, its like I don't work properly or something. I am a healthy 21 year old male so blood flow and all that jazz works just fine. But yea, this has been making me feel like complete shit all day, I just feel so usless.

I am curious if this has happened to anyone else or anything. I don't know what to do. I am going out with her again tonight and I know she wants to have sex with me, but honestly I am terrified that this might happen again. Seeing as it would have been our first time I was worried about cumming too fast or something, but nothing like this even entered my mind. I used to always say little dirty things to her all day to make her smile but I just couldn't today, before they rang true because I could actually do them... now if feels like I am a big imposter if I were to even say anything sexual to her.

blahblah454

Also she one of my best friends. We have been very close for over two years and she knows me better than anyone else I know. Things started heating up between us about two months ago.

BigBen

Dude, you have a case of performance anxiety. It sucks, but if you are a 21 year-old and are in good health, then this is mental.

Looking at the post above, you are driving straight into the brick wall, the whole time your hands are frozen at the wheel and you are saying "Oh My God!! I am going to hit that Brick Wall!!!"

Uh, yeah, if you concentrate only on that and lose focus on the rest of the world.

Stop thinking about it. You want this girl so bad that a little devil BlahBlah has appeared on your shoulder.

Devil: Don't fuck this up.
BlahBlah: What are you talking about? I am 21, in good health, this girl wants me, I get hard when she touches me. I can't possibly fuck it up.
Devil: Sure you can, if you think about it long enough!
BlahBlah: Oh..... oh shit.


My suggestion: Get her off. Do what you gotta do, but get her off. Once the big-O has happened, your confidence will return and you can resort to being Captain Jackhammer (affiliated with the Laying-Pipe Brigade). You are more stressed out than a whore in church. Why stressed? Go down on that girl for a couple of hours, bring out your A-game, and you are golden.

Have fun.

Get messy.

Tell this girl that you are stressed out about performance anxiety, which is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You are fucked (and she isn't) unless everything calms down and things happen as they happen.

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3.141592654
Hey, if you are impressed with my memorizing pi to 10 digits, you should see the size of my penis.

blahblah454

Thanks BigBen, you have a seriously magic way with words. I always get her off at least once before I even let her really touch me too much, that way if we get down to bagging and I suck ass at least I got her off before in the night so she still had a good time. But yea you are right I was pretty stressed about fucking it up.. and when I fucked it up it just got like 100x worse. But we shall see how things go.

visotech

Once I literally came in like 2 seconds, we were having sex in my car in a secluded parking lot. There was something about how one leg was up on the seat and the other on the floor (her laying on the back seat) that just cause me to let go in like 2 seconds. I think for 20 min we sat there, but he was a no go...lol.

savvypup

I wouldn't stress too much. The same happens to us girls or at least to me. It takes me AGES to cum and sometimes I miss that window of opportunity and the sensitivity just goes. I think it makes my partner think they don't turn me on, but it's just me worrying about how I'm performing.

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ciao bella!

ratbastid

Happened my first time too. That was a lot of years and a lot of great sex ago.

doncalypso

I have one word for you:

STRESS!!!

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Doncalypso... the one and only Haitian Sensation

Sugarmouse

It does look as if you are so full of anticipation and nerves about the first tiem that it is affecting your hormones..its understandable if you think about it!
it once happened to me when i was with a guy..and he said to me
'you know after all this waiting to take you i dont think that i can!'
i ask why
he says 'i am just too overcome with emotion and its affecting me!'
i understood...and me understanding made him excell the next time!
maybe speaking to her will help

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Sugarmouse=Festered

*Nikki*

If I was your girl, I really would not think to much of it. If you are getting her off I am sure she is more then satisfied, don't worry so much, just have fun

Fia

..............

Sage

Also, if you get her off, and are attentive and whatnot, she'll DO EVERYTHING SHE CAN to return the favor. Trust me.

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Lindy

You may have awakened with what my ex-husband called "a pisshard." It's not so much being turned on, but having a full bladder that presses against some of the veins that normally take blood away from the penis, that causes the erection. If you roll over or sit up, the bladder shifts a little bit, and the erection goes away.
If he was on his back, sometimes I would mount him while he was still asleep. Great way to wake up! Sometimes it turned into a great session, (as long as I was fucking HIM) but sometimes as soon as HE started to move he would begin to go limp. Other times, everything just worked, and we'd be all over the bed, up, down, sideways, and doggie, until he finally came---and I would laugh as he literally RAN to the bathroom 'cause he had to pee so bad. I learned that I could get him going by hand while he was still asleep. I could feel the "pisshard" start to subside, and then come back as a real erection. Then he was really ready to go. We had some of our best sex in the mornings.

My sister (a nightshift nurse) says that when they make their rounds, they always see a few little tent poles holding up the sheets, even with some guys that are pretty old.
Lindy

Willy

Morning wood is unreliable. You don't have a boner when you wake up cause you're so horny, it's just something that happens naturally while you're sleeping. On top of that, nerves plus one of those disposable pleasure-reducers and it's not a big shock that things came out the way that they did. I've been there, it's nothing to worry about, just relax and think about the girl and they way you feel about her and not about whether you're gonna have problems again. Practice makes perfect. Relax, relax, relax.

abaya

Coming from a woman's perspective, I really don't have an issue if my boyfriend gets soft sometimes. Please don't take it so hard on yourself; just talk with her and tell her how you're feeling, and she should be very understanding. It really doesn't reflect anything about you or your capabilities; it just happens. She's not going to think you're an imposter... believe it or not, most women know there's a lot more to a guy than his penis! The faster you realize that, the better off you'll be.

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for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
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blahblah454

Wow, so many replies. Thanks alot all. While I havent slept with her yet I do spend probably two nights a week there. I have had lots of oportunity to sleep with her again since then but I just don't really want to do it on a night where we both have to get up for work the next day (we both work at the same place and we start work anywhere from 3am-6am). I figure sometime on the weekend when we have nothing planned the next day I will give it a go, that way we can just laze in bed the whole morning and not have to worry about getting any sleep.

And honestly before I kinda just wanted to really sleep with her just to kind of get it over with. Now we have talked and we are both going to let it happen when it happens and not worry about it. So I will let you all know how things go. Thanks again for all the advice.

Toaster126

You are making too much of an event of this... have sex when you want to. You don't need to worry about it or change your behavior.

And, to add the the thread sidebar of penis talk, humans (men \ women) get erections (penis \ clit) during REM sleep.

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"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

Jinn

Two things:

(a) anxiety
(b) morning wood is horribly unreliable

I often forget when I wake in the morning that the majority of my erection is from the ten thousand gallons of piss pushing against my bladder, and he seems to be good to go. Oh but what a trickster he is.. if you've ever tried to do penis-related activities when you gotta piss, they fight each other. I want to have sex! No, I want to piss! I want to have sex! No, I want to piss! I want to have sex! No, I want to piss. It's like running the Guantlet to keep the damn thing focused on sex. Better to piss it away and let the sexy lady return it to its glorious grandeur..

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tspikes51

How about my first time:

I had about 3/4 of a liter of Kentucky Gentleman (whiskey that costs approximately $7 a liter) during the night. After I fingered her for a bit she got off, and I got on top to go for it. I'm not sure if it was the setting (a futon in the living room of an apartment of all girls), or the whiskey, or just my inexperience, I was going for insertion, and after a couple of pushes, just fell off to the side, and hit my head on the metal frame on the way down. I dug the trench, but failed to put the pipe in the ditch.

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gotekix

Stress will definitely cause this. Try to relax as much as possible. Sometimes it helps to focus on one aspect of your partners body that really turns you on and only think about that while having sex instead of on the act as a whole. It will help you stay more calm and probably cause you to enjoy it better. Just take it easy and have fun.

HappyHippy

Don't sweat it blahblah454,

Its happened to me before aswell during a short sex fueled encounter with a fuck buddy for the first time although we had been communicating with each other for good 3 months at least and finally we had a chance to meet up in our first physical romp.

BigBen said alot of my thoughts with real style

Something I made sure of though was that she had a very memorable and extremely pleasurable time even though I was facing the "performance anxiety demons". As that's exactly what it was and now learnt from that and read some real good advice that put it in perspective for me.

"Its not about the destination, but journey itself"

With this girl anyway it has heightened my experience (arousal etc) as I enjoy even more so then before pleasuring her without the goal orientated performance that sex can be sometimes seen as, for those less experienced and un-inlightened individuals such as myself.

Btw, its good that she didn't seem to mind about your aniexty issues down there as it lets you stress less and stimulate her in other ways, the tools are at your finger tips ...errr are your fingers and beyond

Ample

IT happen to me once. Im sure my problem was different than yours. Had nothing to do with stress. I just think even though I was really horny, I was just not attracted to her. You on the other hand seem to really dig this chick.

Good luck

blahblah454

Sorry for the super late reply, I have been really busy at work, and at that girls house about 3 nights a week now. And then I broke my foot at work today and was at the hospital and clinics and crap all day. Anways I have done the deed with the lady and its going great, turns out it was just all in my head (no pun intended) and everything is going great with no circulation problems.

BigBen

Right on, buddy.

Way to play the "I'm a wounded little bird, please nurse me back to health" card too.

Keep the peeled ginger where it belongs, and you will do just fine.

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3.141592654
Hey, if you are impressed with my memorizing pi to 10 digits, you should see the size of my penis.

Sultana

Dammit Ben! Now I seriously have to clean off my monitor!

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At night, the ice weasels come." -

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My goal? To fulfill my potential.

blahblah454

Yea thanks bigben, and just so you know I really didn't mean to break my foot. That actually sucks some serious ass. Right when its warming up and mountain biking season/hiking season is starting, oh well, such is life.

archer2371

My first and second attempts with my current SO were similar to that and yes, it is performance anxiety. Firstly, I was so nervous that I couldn't get the condom on right (my first time I had sex, the girl I was seeing at the time put the condom on for me, in retrospect, not a good idea) and then on top of that, I just couldn't seem to get inside of her. Eventually I did get in and she was on top and enjoying it. My first time I was able to go and not cum at all, so I'm going off of that information and I speed up and I'm surprised with cumming within a minute of inserting. We're both devastated. We try again the next night, and I just couldn't get inside of her, and yes I performed foreplay on her before both times so it should have been relatively easy. Third time was a charm, mainly because I just said to myself "Fuck this!" grabbed her, threw her over my shoulder, carried her upstairs, ripped her clothes off and had the best sex I had ever had at that point. (Oh, and asked her to help guide me in, when in doubt fellas, ASK, it's not embarassing, she would prefer that you would ask).

Now that I have been with her for almost nine months and have had sex on a regular basis, I'm a pro at it (not the majors yet, but I'm workin my way up there). So fear not, things will get better with time, just keep plugging away.

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Halx

Heh that happens every once in a while. I can safely say it's all in the brain. You're turned on like nothing else, but you also worry because of whatever circumstances. Also, the act of stopping to put on a condom is fairly unflattering. I guess that's why they call it shrinkwrap.

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