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Originally Posted by Acetylene
One important thing to check out is the possibility of clinical depression. That she is "rarely calm" and constantly worrying and blaming herself could actually mean something much more serious. The question to ask is, does this interfere with her normal life? That's the point at which you look for help...and it looks to me like, if it's ruining your relationship, then it's interfering with her life. Since you guys are in school, you might have a school counselor you can see for free, who might refer her to a doctor if they think she needs it.
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My thoughts exactly. In fact, as I was reading through this thread I was surprised that nobody brought this up sooner. Depression could account for a lot of the feelings expressed here - the guilt, lack of self-esteem, etc.
I definitely think that she should talk to her doctor about the possibility of depression. I know that many people are against anti-depressants, thinking that they are over subscribed, and I tend to agree. However, if she is indeed suffering from clinical depression some action needs to be taken, whether it is medication, therapy or a combination of both.