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Originally Posted by mixedmedia
To say that men fantasize because they would rather be with someone "prettier" or "sexier" is a little unfair. Also, to infer that because we may not score high on the "pornstar" scale that we are second best is a little defeatist. Not to say that there aren't totally shallow men out there who will only settle for a Jenna Jamison clone, just that most men know that value is more than skin deep when it comes to someone you want to spend your life with.
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I've gotten jealous of porn stars in recent years even though I enjoy watching it. I know the problem is with my own self esteem, but how can I help it? The gals my guy likes to watch are SO much different than me that it's hard to feel desirable in their wake. No, my husband is not shallow. He doesn't even have any desire to have sex with these girls in real life. But does that make me feel better about my own body? A resounding NO. It's like the old joke, "Oh, she has a GREAT _personality_." Yeah, she's got a great heart, I love her, and she's SO smart! But when you want a good time, dial
www.hotbabes.com... (That wasn't supposed to be a real link - I was just making it up!
) Sometimes (not often) I feel like he _has_ to look at those pretty girls so that he CAN "be with" me. I'm not enough on my own. And yes, even I can see the glaringly obvious lack of self esteem and damaged ego that causes thoughts like that... I've had three kids. And I'm approaching 30. And my current lifestyle changes (and thyroid and health problems) have caused me to gain what is (to me) a lot of weight. So I feel I'm justified in being worried that my husband still likes to look at girls that look the way I _used_ to... Somehow I've gotten off my main point, and I'm supposed to be writing a paper for school... I guess this if affecting me emotionally more than I thought it was. We _should_ all love ourselves for who we ARE and not who we want to see when we look in the mirror. So how do we achieve this goal? How do I love my own body when I can't help but compare it not only to what it _used_ to look like, but what I know for a fact that my husband enjoys looking at???
