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Originally Posted by Sage
Communication is hard because it involves massive trust in the person that you're communicating with to not stomp all over your feelings when you leave yourself open and vulnerable. Most people are used to bottling things inside all the time and are not used to sharing themselves with anyone, so communicating can be difficult for most.
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Awesome. You've expressed this very well, Sage. Communication really is about vulnerability, and the willingness to un-bottle oneself. I think a person's communication confidence level is at a good place when they take the initiative to share their feelings (without needing someone else to pry into them first), but don't share so much that they overwhelm the other person's ability to respond. It is a delicate balance.
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Originally Posted by Rodney
In a work environment, or whenever doing somthing with friends, I just try to keep everybody up to speed on what I'm doing, why I'm doing it, and what my assumptions are. ("Today I'm going out to XYZ to do ABC, but I'll be back in time for OPS. Is that working for you?") And if there's a hidden conflict or issue, my statement usually brings it out of the person who's listening, and we discuss it. -snip-
What I have found is that to communicate you need to make a "straw man" (they call it a "straw horse" some places, for reasons I never understood) of reality as you understand it and show it to others. Once they have your total concept -- your work plan, vacation plan, plan for cleaning up around the house, assumptions for how you're going to get finances in order -- they're better able to see how your plans relate to them, and then to respond. When you build your straw man, of course, never present it as the ultimate truth -- just reality as you understand it right now.
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Rodney, I like your approach. Your "statement" is very much how I try to communicate in my relationships and at work, though I don't always succeed. I definitely agree about having the "total concept" (an idea of all the plans that go on inside everyone's head, but that they don't always share), communication is sooooo much easier. Otherwise, the default is to make assumptions about what the other person is thinking, that are most likely not true. Communicating about the "reality in the now"--not ultimate truth, just what IS, right now, in one's head... I like that very much.