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Originally Posted by fresnelly
To break that attrition, you have to just dive in, fully understanding that despite your good intentions, the effort will be rough, clumsy and could hurt. But sure enough, once that raw, awkward communication is out there, it can get easier. "You have to go through it, to get to it." It takes courage, faith, and good intentions to believe this.
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Well said, Fresnelly. Communication is by no means a given, for most people and couples. I had pretty bad examples of this as a kid, but I am pretty driven to communicate everything, all the time (maybe because my parents never really listened to me, or each other). Thus, I kind of start to go nuts within a few minutes (literally) if in-depth communication isn't taking place. I am generally uncomfortable with small-talk at social gatherings... it drains me, because it's not really communication.
I think ktspktsp and I do a fairly bang-up job of communicating, but we have a long way to go before it becomes natural for us (especially at a distance--that's where we suffer the most). It has taken a lot of hard work, hard conversations, a commitment to being vulnerable and being brutal at times... basically making a habit of sharing what's passing through our minds at any given time, without fear of the other's reaction. It is hard work for him to vocalize and elaborate on what he's feeling; it is hard work for me to try to focus exactly on what I'm feeling, instead of rambling on and on. But we keep trying, in good faith, "going through it to get to it" as Fresnelly said.
