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Originally Posted by maleficent
In the past, I've found reasons for not communicating were either I knew the answer and I didn't want to hear it (avoidance is a wonderful thing), I didn't care enough to really follow thru, I didn't want to appear being needy or weak, or I didn't know how to bring up the subject, or I just didn't want to hurt the other person's feelings, so I'd end up punishing myself by suffering.
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I am introverted, and also shy at times. Communication isn't as easy as it seems. I agree that it is something you have to learn, even for those who are more natural at it. I think we all go through life learning more and more about it every day.
Some of us, like myself, have turning points where we suddenly realize that the best way to get something through to others is through just saying them straight out, even though the consequences may be grim. Sometimes there just isn't a good way to say it, and someone will be hurt, offended, whatever.
I can't teach you how to communicate. But I can tell you the first thing you need to be able to communicate, is to want to do it. Because all those reasons above that you listed are exactly the reasons why communication fails. Not communicating is often a means of protecting yourself. From hearing out loud the truth exposed that you already know in your heart but are avoiding, from dealing with the truth once it's known, from having to deal with another person's reactions/ feelings resulting from your "communication".
But as you say, in the end it really just prolongs suffering. If it's in your head and you can't get it out, you're just going to hurt yourself more by not saying it. I'm not saying we should all just go around blurting out whatever we think/feel at any given moment.
But if the feeling is strong enough, then think what the best way of saying it to someone is, hurting them and yourself as little as possible, while admitting your own fault in the matter if it's present (honesty is VERY important here), and without compromising the truth of your statement. Soften the blow but don't compromise what you need to say. Also communication is not blaming someone else or venting, it's a two-way channel where you communicate your own feelings but are also open to the feelings of others.