I had to look up the definition -or rather the signs, i've been accused of it myself more than once...
http://www.nmha.org/infoctr/factsheets/43.cfm
Characteristics of Co-Dependent People Are:
-An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others.
me
-A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue.
-A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time.
me
-A tendency to become hurt when people don’t recognize their efforts.
sometimes me
-An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment.
-An extreme need for approval and recognition.
-A sense of guilt when asserting themselves.
me
-A compelling need to control others.
me
-Lack of trust in self and/or others.
absolutely me
-Fear of being abandoned or alone.
me
-Difficulty identifying feelings.
me
-Rigidity/difficulty adjusting to change.
sometimes me
-Problems with intimacy/boundaries.
absolutely me
-Chronic anger.
well - lately
-Lying/dishonesty.
-Poor communications
me
-Difficulty making decisions.
lately me
Questionnaire To Identify Signs Of Co-Dependency
This condition appears to run in different degrees, whereby the intensity of symptoms are on a spectrum of severity, as opposed to an all or nothing scale. Please note that only a qualified professional can make a diagnosis of co-dependency; not everyone experiencing these symptoms suffers from co-dependency.
1. Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments?
2. Are you always worried about others’ opinions of you?
3. Have you ever lived with someone with an alcohol or drug problem?
4. Have you ever lived with someone who hits or belittles you?
5. Are the opinions of others more important than your own?
6. Do you have difficulty adjusting to changes at work or home?
7. Do you feel rejected when significant others spend time with friends?
8. Do you doubt your ability to be who you want to be?
9. Are you uncomfortable expressing your true feelings to others?
10. Have you ever felt inadequate?
11. Do you feel like a “bad person” when you make a mistake?
12. Do you have difficulty taking compliments or gifts?
13. Do you feel humiliation when your child or spouse makes a mistake?
14. Do you think people in your life would go downhill without your constant efforts?
15. Do you frequently wish someone could help you get things done?
16. Do you have difficulty talking to people in authority, such as the police or your boss?
17. Are you confused about who you are or where you are going with your life?
18. Do you have trouble saying “no” when asked for help?
19. Do you have trouble asking for help?
20. Do you have so many things going at once that you can’t do justice to any of them?
If you identify with several of these symptoms; are dissatisfied with yourself or your relationships; you should consider seeking professional help. Arrange for a diagnostic evaluation with a licensed physician or psychologist experienced in treating co-dependency.
~~~~~~~~~~
Codependence, in my non-professional definition, seems to be where a person seems ot thrive on the misfortunes of others... and is all about the handholding and the "oh it'll be OK"... all the time... empathy for another person is good, but sometimes... a person needs a kick in the butt to set them straight and they need honesty... the codependent person will never be honest because they like having the other person need them... rather than want them... (this question ties in rather nicely to the would you rather be needed or wanted thread we had - I think SecretMethod gave a really good definitio of Codependence there.)
I'm not sure if it's totally accurate.. but i've always felt that codependent people were the people who fed drama queens... that if the drama queen didn't have an audience... they'd go away... but the audience (the co-dependents) keep the drama queen in business so they always have someone depending on them