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tenchi069 · 04-17-2006, 06:54 AM

There are several ways to deal with it, but I will only list the 3 I find to be the most productive. I had issue with this for a while. After trying to get to the underlying issue of "why am I feeling this way" I've come to the answer of. You don't want to think of some other guy doing what you "should/could" have been doing. After all, you still had feelings for her. The best ways, imho, to deal are...

1. Try to put her out of your mind and don't pursue a relationship with her.
--this doesn't lend itself to many good conclusions in that, you lose being with the girl, and obviously the only girl you want is one that is a virgin and committed only to you past/present/future, but seeing as how you not being a virgin, cannot reciprocate, and that is hypocrosy.

2. Deal with it as an intelligent and rational human being. She had other relationships both after you and before you ( if you are getting back together ). Some relationships include sex. What she did is not what she is doing, so let that be where it is, in the past. It isn't like she is screwing guys while you are back together.

3. Benefit from her past. Find out what she liked and didn't like. If you are comfortable enough to ask, and she is comfortable enough to tell, get as detailed as the two of you consentually can. My wife and I were/are close enough when we started dating, we divulged alot more information to each other than alot of couples do. One thing with this, be VERY careful to avoid comparing past and present partners unless you are SURE you can handle it rationally and maturely. Yes it is an ego boost to hear about how you are better in some ways, but if you are told that you wouldn't or couldn't do what someone else had you will subconsciously try to overcome that and love making becomes competition ( which has both good and bad aspects ).

Hope this helps

--tenchi

04-17-2006, 06:54 AM	#9 (permalink)
tenchi069 Lost Location: One step closer to the padded cell...	There are several ways to deal with it, but I will only list the 3 I find to be the most productive. I had issue with this for a while. After trying to get to the underlying issue of "why am I feeling this way" I've come to the answer of. You don't want to think of some other guy doing what you "should/could" have been doing. After all, you still had feelings for her. The best ways, imho, to deal are... 1. Try to put her out of your mind and don't pursue a relationship with her. --this doesn't lend itself to many good conclusions in that, you lose being with the girl, and obviously the only girl you want is one that is a virgin and committed only to you past/present/future, but seeing as how you not being a virgin, cannot reciprocate, and that is hypocrosy. 2. Deal with it as an intelligent and rational human being. She had other relationships both after you and before you ( if you are getting back together ). Some relationships include sex. What she did is not what she is doing, so let that be where it is, in the past. It isn't like she is screwing guys while you are back together. 3. Benefit from her past. Find out what she liked and didn't like. If you are comfortable enough to ask, and she is comfortable enough to tell, get as detailed as the two of you consentually can. My wife and I were/are close enough when we started dating, we divulged alot more information to each other than alot of couples do. One thing with this, be VERY careful to avoid comparing past and present partners unless you are SURE you can handle it rationally and maturely. Yes it is an ego boost to hear about how you are better in some ways, but if you are told that you wouldn't or couldn't do what someone else had you will subconsciously try to overcome that and love making becomes competition ( which has both good and bad aspects ). Hope this helps --tenchi __________________ ERROR- PLBSAK Problem Lies Between Seat and Keyboard.