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Originally Posted by Impetuous1
In my case, I had never seen a healthy relationship. My parents were divorced because my father cheated, among other things. Same thing with 99% of my relatives. Deep inside, I thought that all men were like that. Sooner or later, I would be betrayed. So I was always on the lookout for signs. The trick is to learn to love yourself.
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That's pretty much where I'm coming from, too... well, people didn't cheat in my family, but I saw no evidence of healthy relationships (unless religion was involved, but that wasn't always the best association to have). So I was pretty much "raised" on jealousy and insecurity, you might say... seeing every female in my family go through it.
In the end, I knew it was going to mess up my relationships forever unless I took the bull by the horns... started looking for/dating a different kind of guy (not the type that would feed my jealousy) and started going to pretty intensive counseling to correct my self-image and expectations of others. I've been in counseling for 2+ years now and it has done me wonders... have also been in an incredible relationship for 2 years, one where I have learned to feel more and more safe, and this has also been wonderful.
I honestly feel that you can learn to control jealousy (much as Lurkette discussed) if you really, really want to work on it. I know I have improved a ton in the last two years, with the counseling and work in my relationship. It is damn hard work, though, and takes a ton of honesty and responsibility for oneself. That is, as long as you are with someone who you KNOW you should trust, and who has never done anything to hurt you, then it's pretty much YOUR job to fix yourself (as long as they are also fully supporting you in that process). It comes down to what you want, and what kind of life you want to have.