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Old 04-16-2006, 09:23 AM   #30 (permalink)
midgard
Upright
 
Location: Oregon
You asked what you could do, and while most of the advice listed above is about what SHE can do. I speak from direct experience with this topic - I was married for 11+ years to a woman who had eating disorders. I went through the gammit of trying things to "help" or "fix" the problem. What it boils down to is you **can not** fix this problem. It is up to her to fix it herself. You can be supportive, you can recommend therapy, etc, but you have to learn that it is not your fault. One of the things I found in a support book on how to live with someone with an eating disorder was "How to let go" of the things you can't control:

LET GO...

To ' Let go ' does not mean to stop caring, it means I can not do it for someone else.

To ' Let go ' is not to cut myself off, it is the realization that I cannot control another.

To ' Let go ' is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences. To allow one to make mistakes, and not to condemn for their failure.

To ' Let go ' is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To ' Let go ' is not to try to change or blame another, it is to make the most of yourself.

To ' Let go ' is not to care for, but to care about.

To ' Let go ' is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To ' Let go ' is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To ' Let go ' is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes but to allow others to affect their destinies.

To ' Let go ' is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality.

To ' Let go ' is not to deny, but accept.

To ' Let go ' is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To ' Let go ' is not to adjust everything to my desires but to take each day as it comes, and cherish myself in it.

To ' Let go ' is not to criticize and regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To ' Let go ' is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

Good Luck
midgard is offline  
 

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