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robbdn · 04-10-2006, 12:17 PM

I have a different perspective on this one... the answer here is not one of improving discipline, or rules, or knowing better. This is a child that is not getting the love supplies she needs at home, and is instead turning to drinking and crime. Unless she gets the love that she needs, it's just going to continue. Nothing else is very important here.

Her parents, who live with your father, do not sound like they are in a position to provide the love supplies that she needs. Perhaps you are, and for trying, you would have no share of her guilt or blame. Perhaps her short-sighted parents will try and blame you for things, but it's really just ridiculous, because she makes her own choices, not you. For trying to love her and defend her, you assume none of that blame. She is reaching out to you, you have a real chance to help her turn her life around. Throwing it away with the justification that you're not the parent is not responsible, it's the same sort of moral blunder that millioins of Americans make every day that allows things like domestic violence and sexual abuse become as prevalent as they are. Get involved, love your family, and whatever line-item actions you take in the course of loving your family, you have no need to feel bad about, even if things end up disastrously.

For what it's worth, let her know you don't approve, but that's not the important thing here. What's important is showing her that you love her, unconditionally. It will not magically fix her, it will not make her suddenly realize the errors of her ways, but she will have a support structure to back her up when she decides it's time to change, and she will feel self-worth for being loved. Until that time comes, let the law and her parents deal with her as they see fit, but don't ever stop being involved and caring for her, no matter what, even if it means being a bit subvertive to the authority figures in her life. If she's not getting love from them, the love from you will go a long way. That is what family is supposed to be all about, after all. Nobody has a right to stop you from having honest, open communication with the people you love, and nobody has the right to tell you not to care about somebody who obviously needs your care and concern.

Again, there's no one specific thing you can do or say in this situation. There is no way that you can "fix" it, and it would only end up hurting you if you tried. Let each of them who is involved deal with that. All you need to do is care, no matter what, and things will work themselves out from there.

04-10-2006, 12:17 PM	#6 (permalink)
robbdn Crazy	I have a different perspective on this one... the answer here is not one of improving discipline, or rules, or knowing better. This is a child that is not getting the love supplies she needs at home, and is instead turning to drinking and crime. Unless she gets the love that she needs, it's just going to continue. Nothing else is very important here. Her parents, who live with your father, do not sound like they are in a position to provide the love supplies that she needs. Perhaps you are, and for trying, you would have no share of her guilt or blame. Perhaps her short-sighted parents will try and blame you for things, but it's really just ridiculous, because she makes her own choices, not you. For trying to love her and defend her, you assume none of that blame. She is reaching out to you, you have a real chance to help her turn her life around. Throwing it away with the justification that you're not the parent is not responsible, it's the same sort of moral blunder that millioins of Americans make every day that allows things like domestic violence and sexual abuse become as prevalent as they are. Get involved, love your family, and whatever line-item actions you take in the course of loving your family, you have no need to feel bad about, even if things end up disastrously. For what it's worth, let her know you don't approve, but that's not the important thing here. What's important is showing her that you love her, unconditionally. It will not magically fix her, it will not make her suddenly realize the errors of her ways, but she will have a support structure to back her up when she decides it's time to change, and she will feel self-worth for being loved. Until that time comes, let the law and her parents deal with her as they see fit, but don't ever stop being involved and caring for her, no matter what, even if it means being a bit subvertive to the authority figures in her life. If she's not getting love from them, the love from you will go a long way. That is what family is supposed to be all about, after all. Nobody has a right to stop you from having honest, open communication with the people you love, and nobody has the right to tell you not to care about somebody who obviously needs your care and concern. Again, there's no one specific thing you can do or say in this situation. There is no way that you can "fix" it, and it would only end up hurting you if you tried. Let each of them who is involved deal with that. All you need to do is care, no matter what, and things will work themselves out from there. __________________ I'm swimming in the digital residue of a media-drenched world. It's too cold.