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Originally Posted by tecoyah
If indeed...you decide to help her, it is important to understand you might fail. It sounds as if the situation is far to complicated (as in the individual steps needed) to give advice to you one way or another. It is commendable that you feel her pain, and would be wonderful if someone could step in to protect her before its too late, but that person will likely be in for a very rough ride, just as she is.
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I understand, that I might fail - perhaps it is even likely. To be honest, I'm not really looking forward to that rough ride that I'm likely in for - but absolutely noone else is willing to fill the position, and I would rather feel a bit of discomfort than have her continue on the path she's going on...
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Originally Posted by maleficent
Don't make excuses for her, and don't blame the police officer for doing his job. She is old enough to know better and old enough to take responsibility for her actions...
Has this girl had any kind of therapy at all? Is she in counselling? Is she still in school?
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I apologize, I wasn't attempted to make excuses for her. What she did is unexcusable - I was simply trying to show that this is completely beyond the scope of behavior that I expected from her. I didn't think she was even capable of something like this, much less expect it. When she had come out here to visit, she was a gentle, kind, even a bit shy - nothing like she is today. I'm under the assumption that she is just lashing out - but like you said, it is inexcusable.
I don't blame to officer at all for the injuries that were inflicted. He had no idea if she was armed or not, and it was dark. I suppose I mentioned it because it was very surprising to see that she struggled so much against the police, and hopefully she leared a lesson from it.
As far as counceling is concerned, while her parents were still on good terms with me, I suggested that they go see a family counceler and try to nip their growing problems in the bud. They agreed, but only send their daughter. As you can see, the results so far have been nominal, at best.
She is still in school - she just entered high school this year, grade 9.
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Originally Posted by maleficent
I honestly think this was out of line on your part to say this. You're giving her an easy out, instead of dealing with what's going on. Has she said anything about running away?
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It may have been, perhaps I should have explained myself better. In essence, what I believe (and hope) that she got from the conversation was that no matter what, she'll always have at least one adult who is willing to stand by her. She'll obviously have to face the consequences of her actions, but I wanted her to know that she wasn't alone.
While we were talking in her room one evening, a bag fell off the top shelf in the closet. In that bag there were a varety of clothes, a bit of cash (she works a few hours a week as a waitress) and a list of phone numbers. I asked her what it was for, and she said that she had packed it in case she needed to get away for a few days. That is when I suggested that my door is always open. I also told her that I couldn't rightly keep her at my house without her parent's knowledge, but would try and convince them to let her stay at my house a few days while they all cool off. I would make sure she got to school on time and had something to eat, as well as a safe place to stay. Perhaps I did cross the line, but I did so with her safety and well being as my paramount concern.
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Originally Posted by maleficent
I hope you didn't say that to her... House rules are house rules.. .If she's breaking those rules... then there are consequences... You might think the rules are stupid,b ut you don't live there... it's not your place to say what rules are and aren't a big deal.
She needs help, but I think she needs way more help than you can give her... Maybe she will get assigned some therapy in court, but unless she wants it to help (and it doesn't sound like she does) it's not going to do much good.
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No, I would never say anything like that to her. I'm not trying to get her to believe she is being treated unfairly, I am simply trying to help her deal with her life. She's new in the area, new to school here, and she is firmly under the assumption that her parents don't care about her. I try to help her understand that noone is perfect and that they are just doing the best they can, and both still love her deeply.
Agreed, hopefully she will be required to go to counceling, but you're right - if she doesn't want it to help, it won't.