Quote:
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"no that is not the answer, he has to learn to live by my rules."
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does he have a clear understanding of what the rules are?
I'm gonna go for brutally honest here... and say it sounds like you and your ex-wife have to figure out how to parent as a team-- 30 miles apart or not -- the team has to them make a set of rules and expectations for your son and daughter and consequences if they are not followed.
I'm willing to bet that what your son is doing is attention seeking. and it's working-- he's getting attention... Not good attention but to a 10 year old - doesn't matter.