Quote:
|
Originally Posted by onesnowyowl
Tell your best friend this: Any guy worth dating YOU (Sharon) will be totally fine with a best male friend.
I have two of them, and my guy is just a-okay with them. In fact, he's quite good friends with them now as well. Any guy who would be uncomfortable with the prospect of their girl having a best guy friend is not a good guy to be dating in the first place--trust me, I discovered that lesson the hard way.
|
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by oberon
Emotional support buddies are great! 
Sounds to me like the dude is not interested in you except as such. Considering how close you make your relationship sound, however, I'm a little surprised he isn't more straightforward. Whether or not you'll be able to retain the friendship as is depends on the nature of your future relationships. I think onesnowyowl outlined this quite well. |
I agree with you both, definitely in principle at least. I certainly want to retain his friendship and hope that I will be strong enough to insist that any future partner respects that.
Oberon - I hear what you are saying, and it is true that in our relationship I am the one who is usually more open to sharing my feelings with him than the other way around... I also tend to be the one seeking him out for company, to hang out etc. Perhaps it is because I am the less secure one, or perhaps it is his introverted nature which allows him to be just as comfortable on his own as with other people.
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Rodney
As a friend, it would be entirely appropriate for you to find a way to help him; he must have an issue of some sort, because a guy as good as you say he is should be able to find someone close enough to what he wants to at least date in an exploratory way. Maybe he has trouble with the whole dating thing; many do. Maybe he's so serious about each date that he never has fun.
What I might suggest is that you offer to be his reality check on the opposite sex. Maybe he needs to know more about women in social situations: what they like, what they don't like, why a woman he went out with might have reacted to him the way she did, how he can be himself. You can be his adviser and cheerleader, if he'll let you. If so, you'd be doing him a vast service.
No blind dates, though! :-)
|
I would really love to be his adviser and cheerleader... but he already seems to understand women a hell of a lot better than I do. He can always figure out rapidly what is at the root of my behaviour, doesn't put up with emotional blackmail or guilt games (something I am used to, and used to be use more than I'd like to admit).
One of the things I enjoy about his company is that he teases me all the time with a half-smile on his face, particularly about whatever I'm worrying about at the time, which both puts my paranoia into perspective remarkably well and makes me feel silly and girly... and I have seen the effect this has with women we meet when we're out and about. He seems very much at ease among women.
I don't know why he can't seem to find the right kind of woman... maybe he is just dating the wrong women, perhaps the ones that catch his eye just aren't the ones he actually wants long term, so he isn't getting around to dating his true "type" or something.
Or maybe - and this just occurred to me - he's secretly gay or something! (though I don't think so)
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Johnny Rotten
I'll bet he'd be climbing the walls if you disappeared for a week and kicking himself up and down the street if you came back with a boyfriend. That gentlemanly detachment would go flying out the window. Man, he needs a good kick in the keister. I just want to shake the guy and say, "What are you doing!?! Good god, man, listen to yourself!"
Okay, so this is what I'm thinking. I'm thinking he has some really low self esteem and wouldn't step into the ring with you unless you pretty much threw yourself on top of him. But what can you do? The guy has to chase. This is The Rule. You're not obligated to throw your proverbial doors wide open. In the end, if it doesn't work out, don't blame yourself. I hope he at least learns a lesson about the downside of being a knight in shining armor. I think you've done everything you can to give this guy a chance to make his move. I applaud your patience. But I don't applaud his ridiculous mincing.
|
I think the "patience" you describe is probably a combination of:
(a) me hoping that he would become attracted to me, because I know he'd be a great boyfriend, and
(b) assuming doncalypso is right, me hoping that I become attracted to him, because I know he'd be a great boyfriend.
We were at mine last night hanging out with my roommate (who has long threatened that if I didn't jump on him, she would), and she embarrassed me thoroughly by bringing up a wine-fuelled late-night conversation we had when we first moved in together (that would make it about six months ago), when I discussed him with her, amidst grins and giggles. He was definitely amused by the story, but his body language didn't give away any signs that he would have wanted to know about it or that the little crush would have been reciprocated.
I think I have done all but throw the proverbial doors wide open, but he's decided that our relationship will be an asexual one.
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Cynthetiq
Skogafoss and I were good friends before we started dating... it took someone else to point out that we should be dating because the qualities we were looking for were within each other even though we didn't look at each other in that manner.
|
I love that story, it sounds like it would be the ideal ending to my soap opera drama... sadly, I think the truth is that although he has all the qualities I am looking for in a partner, I don't have the ones he is looking for.