Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post

Sharon · 03-31-2006, 01:31 PM

Well, we finally talked.

I must firstly confess that that I didn't suddenly summon up the courage to ask him point-blank.

We were having lunch together this afternoon, and a former colleague of his happened to come into the restaurant and recognise him. She asked him if I was his girlfriend, and he replied that I was just a very good friend. She then teased him briefly before saying her goodbyes and returning to her table.

After she had left our table, he turned to me and quipped that she was a renowned gossip and before the day was out, his old office would know about his "new girlfriend". I punched him in the arm and said, "Wow, you make it sound like you'd be ashamed of being associated with me."

(it occurs to me now how sometimes we girls end up using subtle feminine manipulation almost without thinking)

He looked me in the eye and gave me that "wait a minute..." look, and I guess he must have thought I was a little hurt by that comment, because he took my hand and said, very slowly, "Sharon, I like you a lot, and I enjoy spending time with you, and although I see you as a friend, and a very good friend, I would never be ashamed of being associated or seen with you. It might even be good for my reputation. And I really don't care if there are rumours, because I really don't care what people think anyway."

I guess that clears that one up then!

He then asked me what was bothering me (and he can usually tell, if he's not distracted), which was my cue to spill out what had been worrying me, about the distance, and him going quiet on the dating chat, the one-sidedness of our relationship etc.

It turns out that the distance thing was just him not wanting to get in the way of any potential relationship I might want to get into, because apparently some guys don't deal well with a close male friend.

His reluctance to discuss my dating life is purely because it just reminds him of the lack of current success in his own dating life - my bad news just reminds him of his lack of good news, and my good news reminds him of his lack of good news.

His comment on the one-sidedness of our relationship was very interesting to me - he says it's not at all one-sided, he just simply enjoys my company, that's what he gets out of it and that's pretty much it. That intellectual whores website turned out to be a fascinating read, by the way... and I guess our friendship fulfils both our needs for companionship while we're both single. In a crude way, I suppose that would make us emotional-buddies (like fuck-buddies but substituting emotional for sexual intimacy).

What made me rather sad was not just that I now know for sure that he is unattainable for me, but also the calm matter-of-factness with which he had accepted that our intimate friendship could only last as long as my single status. I obviously hope he turns out to be wrong on that, but he has been right on pretty much everything else as long as I've known him, so I guess it's not looking good.

I also really feel for him on his not having found the right girl for him yet. His two main worries are that he may be setting his standards unrealistically high (in his words, ruling out practically the entire dating pool), and that although he knows he would be a good - I would say sensational - catch, he doesn't seem to inspire the heart-skipping, can't-stop-thinking-about-him kind of feelings in the kind of women he would be interested in settling down with (ruling out the remainder of the pool).

Having now heard his description of what he would like from a potential partner, I have to say it is far more than fair considering what he brings to the table (and rules me out in so many ways it's not even funny), and also that I can't think of a single one of my friends who would be good enough to set him up with. He really does deserve someone at LEAST as good as he desires.

Maybe I should start another thread asking how I can help him find a woman like that, or help him find a way to find one...

Oh, and I want to say how thankful I am to all of you for your input and support, it has really given me a new perspective on relationships and friendships as men see them. All in all I am quite glad all this happened, I have learnt so much.

03-31-2006, 01:31 PM	#18 (permalink)
Sharon Coy, sultry and... naughty! Location: Across the way	Well, we finally talked. I must firstly confess that that I didn't suddenly summon up the courage to ask him point-blank. We were having lunch together this afternoon, and a former colleague of his happened to come into the restaurant and recognise him. She asked him if I was his girlfriend, and he replied that I was just a very good friend. She then teased him briefly before saying her goodbyes and returning to her table. After she had left our table, he turned to me and quipped that she was a renowned gossip and before the day was out, his old office would know about his "new girlfriend". I punched him in the arm and said, "Wow, you make it sound like you'd be ashamed of being associated with me." (it occurs to me now how sometimes we girls end up using subtle feminine manipulation almost without thinking) He looked me in the eye and gave me that "wait a minute..." look, and I guess he must have thought I was a little hurt by that comment, because he took my hand and said, very slowly, "Sharon, I like you a lot, and I enjoy spending time with you, and although I see you as a friend, and a very good friend, I would never be ashamed of being associated or seen with you. It might even be good for my reputation. And I really don't care if there are rumours, because I really don't care what people think anyway." I guess that clears that one up then! He then asked me what was bothering me (and he can usually tell, if he's not distracted), which was my cue to spill out what had been worrying me, about the distance, and him going quiet on the dating chat, the one-sidedness of our relationship etc. It turns out that the distance thing was just him not wanting to get in the way of any potential relationship I might want to get into, because apparently some guys don't deal well with a close male friend. His reluctance to discuss my dating life is purely because it just reminds him of the lack of current success in his own dating life - my bad news just reminds him of his lack of good news, and my good news reminds him of his lack of good news. His comment on the one-sidedness of our relationship was very interesting to me - he says it's not at all one-sided, he just simply enjoys my company, that's what he gets out of it and that's pretty much it. That intellectual whores website turned out to be a fascinating read, by the way... and I guess our friendship fulfils both our needs for companionship while we're both single. In a crude way, I suppose that would make us emotional-buddies (like fuck-buddies but substituting emotional for sexual intimacy). What made me rather sad was not just that I now know for sure that he is unattainable for me, but also the calm matter-of-factness with which he had accepted that our intimate friendship could only last as long as my single status. I obviously hope he turns out to be wrong on that, but he has been right on pretty much everything else as long as I've known him, so I guess it's not looking good. I also really feel for him on his not having found the right girl for him yet. His two main worries are that he may be setting his standards unrealistically high (in his words, ruling out practically the entire dating pool), and that although he knows he would be a good - I would say sensational - catch, he doesn't seem to inspire the heart-skipping, can't-stop-thinking-about-him kind of feelings in the kind of women he would be interested in settling down with (ruling out the remainder of the pool). Having now heard his description of what he would like from a potential partner, I have to say it is far more than fair considering what he brings to the table (and rules me out in so many ways it's not even funny), and also that I can't think of a single one of my friends who would be good enough to set him up with. He really does deserve someone at LEAST as good as he desires. Maybe I should start another thread asking how I can help him find a woman like that, or help him find a way to find one... Oh, and I want to say how thankful I am to all of you for your input and support, it has really given me a new perspective on relationships and friendships as men see them. All in all I am quite glad all this happened, I have learnt so much. Last edited by Sharon; 03-31-2006 at 01:37 PM..